A few years ago Wayne Rooney, noted England captain and Manchester United player (almost-)extraordinaire (sometimes), wanted a ‘better deal’ from his club. Upset that he was ‘only’ earning about £150,000 each week, barely enough to keep him in granny porn mags, he demanded more. The club refused on the grounds that ‘YOU EARN MORE THAN THE FUCKING QUEEN YOU POTATO-FACED LITTLE THUG’, or something like that. So Wayne did what every decent person would do. He put in a transfer request and asked to go to Manchester City. The place where money, quite literally, grows, if not on trees, then out of a hole in the ground in Abu Dhabi. It just pours out, black and thick and sticky. Manchester United had no choice, even though they suspected the bluff by his agents. And football agents have been refused entry into ISIS on grounds of immorality. United paid up, the fans heckled him for about 10 minutes until he scored a great goal, kissed his shirt-badge and has lived happily ever after on about 250 grand a week, under-performing week after week.

I therefore suspect quite strongly that the entire ‘get Scotland out of the UK’ campaign has been orchestrated by football agents. Not Scottish ones; they’re stuck with Scottish players who are worthless, and 10 percent of nothing is still nothing.

Because Scotland is basically ‘pulling a Rooney’. By threatening to leave the Union they are now receiving promises of further devolution and accompanying powers that had previously been scoffed at by Westminster when requested by the Scots. They wanted tax powers, control of their health and education and all that oil revenue, and the Eton/Oxbridge toffs in Westminster laughed, scoffed and derided those dirty, haggis-eating oiks as incapable and unworthy, having only been mainly educated in Scotland and thus unfit for power. So down goes the Rooney “then we’re off!!” card and suddenly those same group of pompous, stuck-up southern pooftahs are straight up there on the 7.27 from Kings Cross, with their aides, their butlers, footmen, chamber maids and basically, ‘the full Downton’ to offer those Scots the world, and more, if they’ll just stay with ‘the family’, the Union, the Jack, the rest of us. And like many ‘families’ most members fucking hate most of the others, so the metaphor is indeed valid. You can have it all, they say, just stay together and we’ll give you more than you could have dreamed of.

In the debate last night, one of the ‘panel’, the one representing the ‘NO’ campaign, was George Galloway. So I’m voting YES. Whatever they’re voting about.

Ok, I’m really bored with Scotland now. Let’s try and get rid of Wales.

Happy Friday

A xxxx