Jamaica wants to have a new ‘head of state’! In the most controversial snub since… for a long time, the Prime Minister told William and Kate that ‘he wanted no truck with that bejewelled old hag in Buckingham Palace’. In so many words. They want… a different head on their stamps! Possibly Usain Bolt’s, probably Bob Marley’s as it adorns every building, pavement, poster board, t-shirt and cup and saucer on the Island already. Bob Marley has been the de facto head of state since he shot the sheriff. Jamaica has been independent since 1962 but now wants to dissociate itself from the Commonwealth and dump Her Maj. And I for one am appalled with this development. Which totally broadsided Wills and Kate when they went to meet with him yesterday. Kate’s perm-grin almost slipped. Almost. Not to the ‘consoling war-torn children’ levels of unsmiliness but almost, just for a second.

And I can’t see why the Jamaicans would want to distance themselves from the Royal Family who gave them their independence 60 years ago, having deemed those savages ‘almost fit to govern themselves’, and thus were they liberated from our Empire. Where they’d lived, for hundreds of years, as slaves. Albeit freed slaves. Yet still under the yoke of the Empire and under the control of a landlady 3000 miles away. Why would you not want that? For the privilege of putting her head on your postage?

There’s really no need to despair about the cost of living: Rishi Sunak’s here. The man who invented ‘furlough’ payments for an entire nation for 18 months now brings us proof that he is our saviour. Once again. He’s cutting the fuel duty by a whopping… 5p per litre!!! Holy shit. That brings it down from its current price (when I filled up yesterday) of £8.40 per gallon to the new, super-Rishi bargain knockdown of just, merely, only… £8.15 a gallon!!!! But you see that’s per gallon. And you don’t buy just one, unless its been a really shit week. You buy lots. So filling up the car could save as much as £2.50!!!!! Even though petrol is about 30% more than it was last week anyway. And that 2.50 can be put towards your heating and electric bills. Currently set to rise by £400 per month. Or to buy more food! We all love more food. Though with an average weekly shop rising by about £25 its not really enough of a saving. So the only answer is: then fill up your car 100 times a week!!! Then you’ll be saving £250! And that will be a massive help.

Glad to be of help in these difficult times.

A xxxx