On Nigel Farage’s cv, it lists his qualities, as the enfante terrible of British politics. Sorry, of European politics. And under all his other… qualifications (drinking too much, smoking like a chimney, inciting racism, lying to the nation) and achievements (Brexit, UKIP, frightening a Prime Minister into proving how little the population understand), there is written: ‘spanner in the works’. It’s what he does. For the upcoming election, he won’t be standing for UKIP re-do, nor anyone else. Why? Because it would limit him to campaigning in a constituency. And he wants to campaign nationally. Centrally. Generally.

But campaign for what? For whom?? Reform UK, the latest incarnation of ‘Keep Britain White!, innit’ party for those who approve of the BNP but feel themselves too sophisticated. It has about 14 candidates, most of whom are either on remand or on parole, and the rest are horrible. They have but one message: we’ve cut ourselves off from Europe, now we need to get rid of all them forriners wot is still ‘ere.

Yet, although I consider myself not La Farage’s greatest fan, I have to always admire the way he says things. Unlike every other politician in the country, he knows how to speak to people. He is brilliant at pushing buttons. Especially at bringing out xenophobic feelings in people that they never even knew they had. That was his contribution to Brexit and to political life in general.

And now: Islamaphobia-gate!!!

In an interview on tv he said the vast majority of Muslims in this country ‘are opposed to British values’. On one level I totally disagree with that. Because the foremost ‘British value’ is eating chicken tikka masala and I’m sure loads of Muslims, the Indian ones especially, like that too. And yet, what are ‘British values’ anyway? Top hats? Twin sets? Morris Minors?? Though actually he meant the less important issues, like democracy, like various freedoms, which we all enjoy, especially those who’d really like to do away with them. And an acceptance, at very least, of the monarchy and I’d personally add, alignment with our ‘allies’. Which means America. Cos you can’t depend on the French. So Farage quoted the statistic that 46% of British Muslims support Hamas. A terrorist organisation. The rest, he implied, just want to do away with democracy and turn us into a Sharia state. Not unlike Iran, but with prettier headscarves.

From where these statistics emerged I know not. And, like all statistics, I am deeply, sincerely, appallingly cynical about them.

But if you took your sample population from a ‘Pro-Palestine’ rally, you could indeed end up with such a warped view of Muslim Britain. Because in the passion and massive ignorance which seems to define these ‘protests’, such views would be logical extension of the narrative on which they thrive. Otherwise (I really like to think) the vast majority of British Muslims are happy to be here and just trying to survive the week with a few bob in their pockets and sending their kids to the best schools they can find. Like all the non-Muslims. Getting through life peacefully and painlessly.

Yet old Nige can’t resist a dig or two, to stir things up, wind up the inner xenophobe, accuse an entire minority of terrorist-sympathy, ya-know, just ‘puttin’ it out there’.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx