I know it was tempting but I chose not to watch Tunisia vs Australia this morning in the world cup, instead playing tennis in the park. I appreciate I missed 2 of the power houses of the modern game. With Tunisia being the best team in the whole of Tunisia and Australia being the champions of all places down under. My loss. And Tunisia’s too, as they lost 1-nil. Similarly when Poland beat Saudi Arabia at lunchtime, I ate lunch. I would never do such a thing if it was Spurs playing. Maybe even England would have had me eating later. But Poland and Saudi? I should support Poland. My grandmother was born there. Ok, she left when she was 1, in 1901, but still, blood’s thicker than… other stuff, right? Except my grandma didn’t jump on a dinghy in Calais in search of a better life, leaving her beloved homeland behind. No. They ran from rabid anti-semitism by the Poles. The Jews who didn’t run to pastures new were, 40 years later, rounded up by the Germans, ably assisted by the Poles, and murdered on a quite literally industrial scale. So my ‘love’ for that particular ancestral homeland is… shall we say: ‘limited’. Or we could say: I fucking hate Poles. But wouldn’t because its not a zeitgeisty thing to admit.

Basically, the best thing in the world is too much football to watch. And the worst thing is too much football to watch.

So right now I’m watching France play Denmark. Because I’m ‘se-lec-tive’, ain’t’I? France are the champions and always worth a watch, even though a lot of them seem to be French, which would normally preclude any involvement. But I can’t not watch Kylian Mbappe. A truly superhuman footballer, who plays for Paris St Germain, which is owned by… Qatar Sports Investments. Denmark have Christian Eriksen, who I love, Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, who I also love dearly. And the France goalie is also the Spurs goalie. So I have to love him too. Which is why football fans are so fickle. We love players who are wonderful and we love players who play for us. Until they leave.

And now I’m in turmoil. It’s 5.30 and the rugby is just starting, with England playing South Africa. But there’s still 15 minutes of football left (plus probably 1 hour, 23 minutes of stoppage time). A true dilemma… Naaah, rugby wins.

Come on England

A xxxx