Rather than play tennis today, I decided instead to go to the synagogue. Well, its time to up my spiritual game in line with the physical, surely? No, you’re right, the only spirit I need comes in bottles from various Scottish isles. But I had a call. Like, a Moses moment. A burning bush. A parting of the Thames by Wapping. Ok, I had an invitation to a barmitzvah, which is almost the same thing. And it said ‘God needs YOU!!!’ And so I went. You don’t fuck with God. But it was… errrr… enlightening? It was… moving? No, but my mate’s son was that rarest of beasts. A barmitzvah boy who is pitch perfect. Didn’t just know his stuff but delivered it like Justin Bieber on helium. Beautifully. Tunefully. Like an angel. Then he finished and I got bored again. Until the fish-balls came out.

And during one of the quieter moments, in conversation with the almost-as-devout person sitting next to me, he said “yeah, but Spurs are ok, they’re joint 5th”. And the whole horrible season thus far just kind of revealed itself to me! As it is written!! (In the Sun). And I thought ‘yeah’. First and foremost, by several country miles, there is Liverpool. And the entire rest of the premiership is ‘joint 5th’. All of them. 19 teams all inconsistent and shitty and all nominally ‘joint 5th’. Because 5th sounds flattering, it sounds successful, but its not. It means you should be forth or third but just dropped those 2 points against Watford when they were bottom of the league. And just lost at home to Crystal Palace when you’re Manchester City. And just lost to Burnley when you’re Manchester United. Yet that same bottom Watford went on a winning streak. As did early relegationists Southampton. Bournemouth started well but have plummeted. Arsenal try a different manager every week but still remain shit. United ‘stand by Ole’ which means he’ll be gone by next week, possibly replaced by Pochettino who has one almighty job on his hands. Though he is rather adept at such situations. Chelsea fluctuate between ‘the brilliance of Lampard’ and ‘total rubbish’ on a weekly basis.

So football, basically, is, unless you’re a Liverpool fan (and thus destined for hell anyway) unpredictable, inconsistent rubbish.

So we turn to cricket. To see Ben Stokes walk of the pitch shouting abuse at a South African. An exercise I personally never have an issue with. Its what South Africans are for. But people are making a big deal of it. Because cricket has a reputation of gentlemanliness and politeness, even after 73 incidences of ball tampering and far eastern gambling syndicates. And Stokes’ action was just ‘not cricket’. But it was funny. Why should a man have to endure an abusive tirade from some red-neck Afrikaner without retaliation?

Coco Gauff beat Naomi Osaka (the current champ, as she was) yesterday in Melbourne and remains my absolute favourite of the moment. She’s 15 years old and can have that much mental strength. Amazing. Hope she wins.

Ok, as its only the FA Cup this weekend, I’m going to go and pray a bit more. Anything but the FA Cup.

Today’s pic is Lila and Joey in flight mode.

Happy Sabbath Day

A xxxx