I’ve just seen it. The last ‘ever’ Star Wars. And I’m still crying. Mainly with laughter but also because it’ll never grace our screens again. And in case you haven’t had the thrill, the joy, the moment in your life yet, I promise no spoilers. Because you can’t spoil this film. Everyone whose ever died in the 8 previous ones came back to life for at least part of this one. Even those who really, real life (death?) died, like Carrie Fisher, managed to complete just a few more scenes. George Lucas’s favourite love child had always treated life and death as pretty interchangeable anyway, right from the first film (part 3… or 6), re-writing the phrase ‘bring out your dead’ into ‘re-cast those presumed dead, for a while’. The main message always being ‘there are forces we don’t understand!!’ Things that are bigger than we are. Can you feel it? The Force??

I’ve always had it. Ever since I left the cinema in 1977 after part 1, I started to drive like Luke Skywalker flew into the Death Star. Throw out the instruments, close your eyes, put my foot down. The Force. Normally the Police Force, but before the sirens start ringing, wow!

You know what you’re going to get in Star Wars. You get Luke Skywalker’s grandson marrying Darth Vader’s step-daughter and their child is the most fucked up individual in the known universe. Hans Solo’s niece flew for Lufthansa before going to the ‘dark side’ and working for RyanAir. She married Princess Leia’s god-son and gave birth to a three-eyed Wookie with horns and a trunk.

You know you’re gonna get a massive fight scene, with the goodies all flying round in aircraft made of orange crates and rusty old exhaust pipes from Ford Anglias, but which can fly at ‘light speed’ anyway, even though their engines come from broken Kenwood food mixers. And they’re losing, losing, losing… but then- no spoilers. As if.

Everyone goes back to camp and hugs. The End.

The film is totally stupid, ridiculously predictable, insanely daft and incredibly slushy. But its watchable. And exciting. Totally gripping. Wonderful fun. And you’ll love it. I know I did.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx