A statement on behalf of the owner and directors of Manchester City football club, via 17 partners of 19 different companies of the world’s most aggressive legal Rottweilers.

May it please God as the crescent moon lights the hearts in the Persian Gulf, without prejudice.

It has been stated by those motherless sons-of-whores (no contradiction there, then) at UEFA, may they burn in the eternal fires of hell after being castrated and seeing their gonads fed to camels!) that Manchester City have broken an arbitrary, meaningless and apparently randomly applied set of rules called Financial Fair Play. That the saintly Sheikh Mansoor has funded the club’s overspending by using his own purse to wipe out a few little debts. None of which add up to more than even half a billion pounds. Whereas the evil and hateful Paris St German spent more than this on one solitary player and the hateful Qatari!!! owners there did not face similar charges. Though in Abu Dhabi they would have had their intestines removed and spread across the floor to be eaten by the dogs!

The allegations made by UEFA are scandalous. And we shall address some of the points here, openly and transparently, so the world can see that everything was above board and within regulations.

The question of ‘ball sponsorship’ was raised. But every team has a ball sponsor. Ours is, let me just check… yes, our Sponsor is a company called ‘Etihad’. An airline, I believe. Manchester United have a ball sponsor who pay them £10,000 a year. Etihad pay us £57million. Because we use better balls.

Strangely enough, we have the same sponsor for the naming rights of our illustrious stadium. The Etihad! May it be standing for the return of the Prophet. And all clubs sell their naming rights. Ok, most clubs arrange a, sort of, ‘fixed fee’. Like, 5 million a year. Whereas we have a more… flexible arrangement. So the sponsorship money paid by Etihad might appear, to some misguided people, to be the precise equal to the massive debt incurred by the club’s horrendous over-spending in that financial year. And that just because Sheikh Mansoor, our club’s illustrious owner, is also the owner of Etihad Airlines, people feel this to be a little ‘convenient’. As if he was personally writing off the club’s debt!!! Heaven forbid!!! Even though quite a lot of the money appeared to come directly from his personal bank account. Note: APPEARED. Nothing proven. Yet. And those emails were taken ‘out of context’, even though we’re not prepared to show them in context because… because UEFA are unworthy!!!

And finally, how is it ‘fair’, how is it ‘decent’, how is it ‘democratic’ if a football club is prevented from buying all the trophies in the game just because they’re owner is the richest man around? How is such a thing fair? I feel those so-called ‘Europeans’ have a lot to learn about proper ‘fairness’, and how to buy it.

May the sun continue to shine from Kevin de Bruyne’s bottom.

Amen.

Mansoor
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