I’d like to make a statement on behalf of Manchester City Football Club, Sheikh Mansoor, Lloyds Bank plc but NOT ADUG (Abu Dhabi United Group) which is owned by the sheikh but is nothing whatsoever to do with the football club or anyone involved with the operation at the Etihad ground.

Manchester City remain innocent of all and every one of the charges made against us. Of which there are just 115. No club is 100% ‘squeaky clean’, we’ve just lowered the percentage a little. To about 4%. Maybe less. And yet have constantly complied with all financial regulatory statutes of the Premier League. Well, certainly most of them. Possibly some of them. Ok, one. The one about car park charges.

But that shows our intention to total compliance. And the fact that these allegations of impropriety date back to 2008 is out and out racism due to that being the time that Sheikh Mansoor bought the club. Because he is very… racey.

And we are fully aware of fair play regulations in which all payments to players, staff, management must be declared and be within certain limits compared to the profits made and excess spending beyond that by the club is a contravention of that rule.

Allegations that the wonderful, legal and somewhat ‘flexible’ sponsorship arrangement we have with Etihad Airlines (which may or may not be controlled by Sheikh Mansoor) are illegal are slanderous. The fact that for 12 successive seasons this ‘sponsorship’ has varied by tens of millions and moves the club from ‘debt beyond what be acceptable’ by fair play rules, to ‘sitting pretty’ is purely coincidental.

Further payments allegedly made by ADUG to players, managers, cleaners and any other members of staff… in fact to all members of staff, are in ALL cases, for work done OUTSIDE the club’s responsibilities, nothing to do with Manchester City at all, even though all work for Manchester City. And are allowed to contract to ADUG, OUTSIDE of their Manchester City stuff.

Furthermore we have complied in full with this inquiry for the last four years with complete openness, helpfulness, transparency and integrity. Though not necessarily with honesty where it may compromise our excellence at blurring boundaries and creating offshore pretend companies created for purposes of money laundering.

We don’t understand why Harry Redknapp is not chairing the investigation, as we suggested early on. He’d understand. And if not, we’d put him on an ADUG contract until he does understand.

Happy Tuesday

Spokesperson for the Board (He, his, penis, gents, whatever)

xxxx