Mel has a lot of baths. So I get to watch what I want. For 30, 40, even 50 minutes an evening, depending on what book she’s reading, where she is in that book and how hot the water was when she went in. It’s a formula.
Time= (temp-3/4 x 60)/Stephen King x page number/379-x. Simple.

Being a person of undisclosed gender affiliation but in possession of a penis, a beard and a collection of guns (only metaphorically), that means I watch football or music. If some clever person produced ‘Watford versus Stoke: The Musical!’, they’d be onto a winner in my house. But in the absence of that, I tend to ‘flick’ between a lesser match with peripheral interest, Brentford vs Bournemouth, maybe, and my new fave channel, 70s Rock Now.

They played Walk on the Wild side, by Lou Reed. I love that track. From his unbelievably brilliant ‘Transformer’ album, which I possess in every format its ever been made in and await the day when it can be permanently implanted in my personal chip. Along with Ziggy Stardust, Are You Experienced and Stop Making Sense. Possibly Bella Donna because the idea of 1979 Stevie Nicks permanently in my brain appeals greatly.

Would they make that song today? It’s about transvestites. Specifically, ladyboys on the game. “But she never lost her head; even when she was giving head”, did the BBC really play that line when the song was riding high in the charts? And yet the song is music first, then content. And it is a wonder on the ear. As it always was. How ‘woke’ was Lou Reed, who referred to all the characters in his song as ‘she’? In 1972.

Next up, just after Chelsea conceded their 3rd goal against Manchester City, came Spanish Stroll. A song which I hadn’t heard for positively decades. Probably because Mink Deville were a bit ‘one-hit-wonder-ish’. But if you’re gonna have just one hit, make it that one. It’s strange in format, unusual in output and generally just different. Individual. Imaginative. And brilliant.

This afternoon I shall force myself not to check out what rock’s a’playing whilst watching Spurs playing Arsenal. The match I absolutely hate to watch. The most uncomfortable viewing since Prince Andrew went into hiding. Joey’s coming to watch it with me. Always a welcome distraction. As you hear the crashes in another room.

Agitating Sunday

A xxxx