They have officially found not one but two people in the world who actually give a shit about Colleen Rooney. Amazing, when you think about it. But these two individuals are the ‘rubbish-content bidding mavens’ of Amazon TV and Disney Plus. They not only have the usual, peripheral, inconsequential, irrelevant awareness of Mrs Rooney that every single normal, decent person of an intelligence anywhere above ‘clinically sub-normal’ has, but the ‘winner’ from Disney + has agreed to pay Colleen 10 million quid. And those, like me, who might say “well, I wouldn’t get out of bed for less than 9.5 mil!!!”, have to accept that that is precisely what they’re paying that horrible, useless woman to do. Get out of bed. Eat breakfast. Shout at the kids. Go to the gym. Make dinner. Sleep with Wayne.

It’s a new ‘fly on the wall’ series, (God help us), to be filmed chez Rooney. In Cheshire. Where they live and really should never be allowed to leave. They are to become… The Next Kardashians!!!! The Rooney’s four boys similarly all have ‘K-‘ names. Except one who only got a hard C because they don’t like him so much. Kia (after her favourite car), Kolin (made that one up), Klueless and Colostomy. Sweet.

Well, we assume all four are the progeny of Colleen and Wayne. We’ll know once they’re a bit older. If any show any signs of beauty we’ll know they’re not Wayne’s. And if any start to look like an old granny, we’ll know they’re not Colleen’s. And that may sound a bit awful but we’re talking about a footballer and his glory-seeking, monetising, publicity-whoring, litigating wife.

I’d like to think that the only person on the entire planet who might find such a ridiculously moronic programme of any interest at all would be Rebekah Vardy. Because that vindictive imbecile will sit there with her husband, Steptoe Vardy, glued to the Rooneys in a purely schadenfreude-ish way.

Yet the most damning indictment of ‘the British viewing public’ is that Disney is shelling out 10 mil because it knows that sufficient numbers of viewers are expected, and doubtless are already clutching their remotes in readiness. Those same viewers who spent 73 weeks watching Kim Kardashian’s putting her make-up on and having her tits enlarged. Then reduced. Then enlarged again.

The only issue of any interest is whether they’ll dub Wayne’s voice into English or use sub-titles.

Happy Viewing

A xxxx