I should have been a superhero. No question at all. I should have been Superman. Possibly Batman (though his own ‘superpower’ was excessive wealth, and I wouldn’t object to that), maybe ‘Flash’, for obvious and ambiguity reasons, I was never that keen on Thor or Green Lantern because I was worried if I dropped my ‘magic implement’ I’d be NOTHING, and walking around carrying a lantern is very lame as, in other situations, would take some explaining.

Like if I took it to a garden party at 10 Downing Street, f’rinstance. Probably wouldn’t get it past security. They don’t even let you take a phone in the building (I’ve been there, I know), unless you promise that its only enabled to photograph events guaranteed to cause shame, disgrace and total embarrassment, in 18 months time. To film, say, a ‘work meeting’. The same excuse they used for the first, 6-person piss-up, sorry!!, work meeting in the garden. And the same questions: if its ‘work’ why the fuck are you drinking so much? And if its such important work, what the fuck is Carrie doing there?

Boris was strutting round, as ever, like Quasimodo in a Barbara Windsor wig, showing how ‘sorry’ he was. No-one cares. It’s irrelevant the first time the apology card is deployed. And gets no better by the third. You just become a serial liar. Because it all boils down to power! Not superpower, like me, because I never got caught! But power. Sufficient to create a feeling of untouchability, of mastery of the universe. Otherwise known as ‘arrogance’.

Prince Andrew suffers from the same affliction. Power borne from the most arrogant sense of entitlement possible. If a football crowd had been present at Jeffrey Epstein’s house/plane/island they’d have been singing: “he’ll do what he wants, he’ll do what he waa-aants; he’s Prince Andrew, he’ll do what he wants”. And he pretty much can. So his denial, ‘I remember nothing, I wasn’t there, I was eating a pizza in Surrey (FFS), I’m not able to sweat’ means so much more than if a commoner was laughed out of court for using such pleas. Well Andrew now is being laughed into court. And the timing, coinciding with Her Majesty’s Platinum Jubilee… I mean, Virginia whassername has waited 19 years, would another few months have hurt her? For the sake of the Queen!

The words ‘Tottenham’, ‘Chelsea’ and ‘Carabou’ are temporarily suspended from use. Until further notice.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx