Spurs are third from bottom in the league. The relegation zone. The drop. But I don’t care because until 12.45 today the league table is a blank page, a clean slate, a tabla rasa for those of us so pretentious and trumped up that nothing other than the language of Caesar can truly…

yeah, right.
But the league is all zeros. Alphabetical zeros, if such a thing can happen. That’s my point. Burnley are the same as Manchester City. Leicester are equal to Liverpool. Spurs haven’t lost a match. All to play for. Nothing to lose. Ok, plenty to lose. Like the next 38 matches spread over the most important 9 months of any year. And it all begins today. Wow.

And if I’m honest, I could hardly be any less enthusiastic. Maybe that’ll change by 3.01 this afternoon. Maybe it’ll take a week, a month, but my enthusiasm is certainly, at this moment in time, somewhat dimmed. Maybe its the other things in the world that have caused my flagging spirits about the game I sort of love. Maybe the whole Gaza thing, the IS(IS) crisis, the Russian treachery, Robin Williams dying so horribly (is there a ‘good death’?? not at 62 there ain’t), followed by Lauren Bacall, the last of the true Hollywood mega-stars, maybe its put me in a place that’s temporarily detached from the Premiership.

How about the cricket? What cricket?? you may ask. Well, England, of course. Stuart Broad. Superman. Gets hit in the face by a cricket ball last weekend, a ball which ripped through the grid of his helmet to break his nose and inflict wounds that any jihadist would be proud to claim, and then 6 days later he bowls his brilliant overs at the Oval, black eyes and strapped nose and all.

Or possibly its just listening to the radio (as I do), to Talk Sport and 5-Live, endless droning on about Luis van Gaal, about how his greater success than David Moyes puts Man United in a different place. About how Liverpool have lost their bite (good pun, that one) when Suarez took his 3-month ban over to Barcelona, along with the 32 goals he scored last year, and replacing him with a few injured Southampton rejects. Hearing Arsene Wenger stating the ridiculously obvious in that ‘well, if we take points from the big teams we can win the league’ kind of way. How about ‘if we get more points than everyone else we will definitely be champions’. So all Spurs have to do, really, is score more goals in every game than they concede. And if they do that…

Alexis Sanchez is a great buy for the goons. Diego Costa similarly for the hatefuls at Stamford Bridge. If Manchester United do manage to sign Angel di Maria that will also be a brilliant addition to our league. Which is already (according to spokesmen from the Premiership) ‘the best in the world’. And Cesc Fabregas returns to these shores, fresh from being a World Cup loser with Spain and spending 4 years as a reserve at Barcelona. And not happy with the level of hatred he received wearing the red of Arsenal like last time, now he’s gone the whole way and will wear Chelsea blue.

It all kicks off today. Wow!!! Amazing. Can’t wait. I have my Daily Mail Season Planner open on the kitchen table and my best coloured pencils. I’m so excited that at 3 o’clock today I shall probably mow the lawn, have a nap or beat the wife.

Happy start to the season day. If only.

A xxxx