I am a terrorist. Not like a suicide bomber, I’m much too important for that and would never wear anything that resembled a ‘fat suit’. And not like Joey in that he wants to destroy everything, in a considered manner. But in one way, as defined by our esteemed new governmental intentions, I am as radicalised as Jihadi John, as bad as Tommy Robinson and as guilty of that dozy old woman who was sent to jail last week for posting that ‘they should bomb that mosque with all the adults inside’.

I’m not just a man but an… extreme misogynist!!! And Yvette Cooper wants to treat us as ‘terrorists’, along with all of the above. All normal men are misogynistic because we have to defend ourselves from rampant feminism and make definitive statements about ‘who wears the stilletoes in this house!!!!’ That used to be ‘trousers’ but gender dysphoria and post-feminism changed the parameters.

And here’s the point. If you read the above paragraph with a light heart, an open mind and a smile on your face, it’s because you get the irony in every sentence. The satire which is proposing the opposing position to what you feel, to make that very point. You never realised how clever you were, did you? I certainly never thought you were.

Yet that paragraph, written by the Andrew Tate’s of this world, are not ironic. They’re inflammatory. A call to arms against women. The very thing that Yvette Cooper wants to stop.

So how is some spotty, inexperienced, post-Cambridge graduate with no life skills, armed with a 2-1 in Tudor History, and now in the civil service because of daddy’s connections to all things double-barrelled, going to tell the difference between me and the eponymous Mr Tate? You need to appreciate context, nuance, subtlety to realise that ‘he’ is a nasty, wife-beating (if he had a wife, he definitely would), almost-rapist with no respect for women whatsoever, and I truly love women in a lovely way that only sometimes results in objectification, physical abuse and shouting ‘SHOW US YER TITS, LUV!!!!!’ at passers by.

And that’s the problem. Firstly you really need to rigidly define what, exactly, ‘extreme misogyny’ is, and then you need to find a way to find it without denying the 90% of men who aren’t misogynists the right to exchange banter, say funny things to prove a point and engage in harmless free speech.

That is definitely beyond the reach of this government. And what we really don’t need is more restrictive legislation, thank you very much.

Happy Sunday

The Bitch Slapper xxxx