I’d like to speak on behalf of all American citizens. Even though I’m not one. Never have been. And wouldn’t become one for all the Cadillacs in Detroit. Possibly all the hamburgers in California though, in case you’re thinking about asking me. Because otherwise I think my bodyweight is too low for full citizenship.

And I’d like to offer a massive thank you to President (for the moment) Donald J. Trump. (And I just learned that the ‘J’ does NOT stand for ‘Jerkoff’. How did they miss that?) Because ridiculous presidency aside, what Donald has shown the world is that the Home of the Brave, Land of the Free (other than to vote by post) and richest, loudest, most… everythingest nation in the Universe (the mere ‘world’ is simply not big enough for all that everything), is incapable of running an election worthy of the term.

The Greeks managed it 3000 years ago without computers. The Europeans (including, for one more month or so, Britain) are masters of the vote. Third world nations filled with illiterate people, manage to perform elections easily and, for the most part, correctly. Impoverished African nations do it simply and effortlessly.

Yet America, who can send men to the moon (allegedly) and put on The Super Bowl every year, simply can’t get their shit together at voting time. They’re still counting fucking votes in Pennsylvania. Four days after the event. Same with Arizona. Georgia they managed but… they’re doing it again, just to check. There are a whole bunch of ‘military votes’ (soldiers overseas) which won’t be counted until November 10th. I mean, I mean, I mean… didn’t they know in advance that there was going to be an election? Weren’t they told the date? Was it a surprise? A secret?

If you have an election on Tuesday, you should know the result on Wednesday. That’s it. Anything else you may have to do should be done before. Like postal votes. Like military votes. Like election fraud. Oops. And then the system would be safe from stupid and senseless allegations by cry-baby bad losers intent on litigation.

So, thanks Don,

A xxxx