There was a supermodel once called Elle McPherson. Known as ‘The Body’. Even though her body was about 6 feet tall and six inches at its widest point. Or ‘points’, maybe. I saw her once. We stopped to buy water (I was with Mel, on holiday, its what you do) at a shopping mall in Florida. My least favourite state, including North Dakota and Iowa. But Florida we were. Middle of nowhere. Like most of Florida. And as we walked out with the 73 litres of H2O which we needed for the gruelling, cross-country, 12 mile ride in an air-conditioned car, a massive Rolls Royce pulled up at the main doors. And out stepped ‘The Body’. Or rather, out unfurled, The Body. It was long. And thin. And not dressed in a very supermodelly way. Though it was very pretty, even unadorned by face paint and lacking anything Gucci whatsoever.

Halle Berry is different. She has ‘a Body’. And although this picture was taken 18 years ago, according to recent images, now at age 54, she still has a killer body. But unlike ‘back then’, it takes a little more work. Not surgical work, that would be no story. Anyone can use a scalpel and play-dough to create ‘perfection’.

I’d just like to say that by writing this, in no way does it imply any form of ‘objectification’ of the female form. No. Not from me. I’m a radical post-feminist, not some drooling old perv finding pornographic imagery where he shouldn’t. Like in Bond movie posters. Good. Glad to clear that up.

But Halle Berry is possibly one of the most gorgeous people ever. Along with Bridget Bardot (in 1971, I hasten to add), and me… at any time. And to sustain her body into its levels of gorgeousness she works hard. Fucking hard. Gruelling hours every day. But in the interview in today’s paper with her ‘fitness guru’ (everybody has a fitness guru these days, you are positively NO-ONE without one), we find that a lot of what she does is slow and measured. Rather than the more Joe Wicksian leap up and down until you’ve wrenched every joint out of its socket and strained every ligament, cartilage and muscle you own. Because Halle, like me, trains with a martial arts guru. And thus spends 10 minutes in ‘horse stance’ rather than 20 minutes running round in circles carrying 50kg weights sweating like a mutha.

The only difference is that Halle’s diet of low-sugar fruits, pulses, seeds and good fat proteins, I’ve replaced with bread, potatoes, chocolate and peanut-butter. Not all together. Though, hang on…

So you see, fitness and body perfection can be achieved in so many ways. You just have to work really hard. Or just be me.

Happy work-outs

A xxxx