It’s a disease. Possibly a ‘mental health issue’. But the colour purple has become an ongoing addiction for me. And like all addictions, it carries its own momentum, regardless of… well, regardless of anything really. At certain times of year the problem is amplified. Most notably, the week following Easter. It’s a biblical thing, and being a biblical literalist, I have no choice but to follow.

On Good Friday, Jesus died. Crucified by the Romans. Not pretty, but there ya go. That’s life. Hm.
The next day, possibly the one after, they buried him. Because that’s what you do.
On Easter Monday Jesus was resurrected. By God. Well who else was going to fucking do it?
On Easter Tuesday Jesus went round buying up all the unsold Easter Eggs at knock-down prices.
On Easter Wednesday he was probably sick.
Amen.

The reality is that we all take the bits of the bible which appeal to us. The Pope (God rest his soul, once they finally bury the poor old man and give him peace) ‘lived according to Jesus’, as one Cardinal said, because he was all about servitude, humility, kissing feet and all that kind of shit. That’s not for me really. Spurs fans don’t kiss feet. So I pick the bit involving Easter Eggs. Unless, like yesterday, those bastards at Waitrose had sold all the Easter Eggs and could only offer cut-price chocolate bunnies. And boxes of little eggs. Which I obviously bought. To go with my 2 great big Lindt bunnies (didn’t put them in the photo in case they fight with the Cadbury ones). Then we went to Aldi and got their last 2 Cadbury’s big eggs. Phew. The Crunchie bars are just normal ‘essentials’ and the Picnics are a rare find and a big favourite, so I grabbed a couple when I went to pay the paper bill.

The moral is (moral? Me???) that if you sell Cadburys chocolate cheap, I will buy it. If you wrap other chocolate in purple, I will know. And find you. And hurt you. The problem is when to STOP buying. Can you ever have ‘enough’? Or even ‘too much’??

No. Personally, speaking on behalf of myself AND Jesus, the answer is ‘no’.

So go buy some Cadburys today. God wants you to. Almost the 11th commandment.

Happy Thursday. The diet will have to start on Friday.

A xxxx