Hasan Fidan moved to England from Turkey in 2006. So he missed the bit in our national laws which protect swans as they were passed in the 12 century. And swans don’t do twitter. They more, kind’a, squawk. Loudly. As this one did the other day as Hasan jumped on it, in a park, cut its head off and stuffed the rest of it into his rucksack for later consumption. Unfortunately, a local fisherman heard the commotion and took photos of the event and Mr Fidan was fined 110 quid. The family of the swan have been notified. As has the Queen, who is the nominal ‘owner’ of all swans, apparently.

Hasan, who is unemployed, said he was having difficulty buying food for his family, saw this ‘big bird’ and thought: ‘hmmm, that’d make some good cookin” and fortunately was in possession of a very sharp knife as he strolled innocently through the park, with an empty, swan-sized rucksack, stumbling across this snow-white national treasure. What a result. All you can eat fowl down on the common.

Its enough to make you vote UKIP.

I wonder what the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals would have to say to Hasan? And would he understand them? I’m not sure anyone really understands the RSPCA, they’re an odd lot. And currently they’re restructuring their board. And some silly, stiff, double-barrelled old crone, standing for the chair of that esteemed organisation, is a devout (yes, I think that is the correct word here) vegan, is opposed to farming of animals and had the wonderful, global understanding and intelligence to compare the practice (farming of animals for food) with the Holocaust. That although animals aren’t human (she’s good at science then) they are ‘sentient beings’. Yep, ok. And she actually said: “you talk about Jews, but this is a holocaust too”. An interesting point. IF YOU’RE A STUPID FUCKING VEGAN HEADCASE. For normal people the comparison between animals living in less than luxury before being slaughtered for market, and 6 million people being systematically murdered in the worst genocide of the 20th century, is not one that springs to mind. I’m going to eat 2 hamburgers today in protest against this vile and inappropriate woman.

Meanwhile, its all kicking off in New York as the latest football team (and this is ‘proper’ football, played the English way, with the feet) starts stocking up. The MLS’ newest team, named New York City, after Manchester City who share an owner, can’t really be called a football team if they don’t have any players. So with all that Abu Dhabi cash they’re out shopping. First purchase, David Villa, oldish Spaniard superstar. Now they’re lining up Frank Lampard who is superfluous to Chelsea’s requirements now he’s an old man. So this new club could in fact, when the season starts next year, field the All Star Team of the Year. Unfortunately, it will be for the year 2007, but young superstars won’t play in America. Where the MLS remains the ultimate pension plan for footballers.

Happy tuesday

A xxxx