So because of Coronavirus, the tv companies are making a bit more effort. They won’t make up for football, can’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t, mustn’t, but they can up their game a bit as their viewing market just multiplied itself by thousands at the government’s behest. And so, just a few days after Witness came on, there appeared, as if by magic, one of the true ‘holy grail’ movies. A genuine all-time top-whatever and must-see.

Rain Man.

Tom Cruise, again, and the impeccable, the irreplaceable, the outstandingly… Hoffmanable, Dustin Hoffman. It’s quite an old film. Because the phones have wires attached. But oh my it is wonderful. Not quite wonderful enough to make me bow before the tv in thanks, for that it would have to be The Graduate, but so good to revisit.

They never show old Woody Allen movies any more. He is no longer acceptable viewing due to… issues. With children. Yet really, any movie made BEFORE the first allegations came to light SHOULD be still watchable. In line with the presumption of innocence and the right of every man to a trial by the newspapers, this is a foundation stone of legal process in a democracy. If we had a written constitution here and if it had amendments, like some other, 3rd world countries, then the 17th amendment would read: “you can show Sleeper, Play it again Sam and Bananas, but NOT Vicky Christina Barcelona or Match Point or anything subsequent to marriage to any of his step-children…”

In their absence they keep showing Coyote Ugly. Nothing like as funny, other than the outstanding John Goodman, pathetically sorry in plot development (mainly: there is virtually no plot whatsoever that a 14 year old couldn’t write in her ‘aspirational’ homework essay, and it doesn’t develop far beyond ‘rubbish’) and the cast otherwise aren’t much into acting. BUT: they look fantastic, dance wonderfully and have lots and lots of fun. So if you just skip to Can’t fight the Moonlight, you’ll be fine.

And that movie is not unique in being pretty much a great big build up to just one number, one event, one… one little bit of brilliance following 90 minutes of absolute dross which, before they invented ‘fast forward’ may have had you leaving the cinema.

Dirty Dancing is the greatest example. I know you’re not supposed to talk ill of the dead but Patrick Swayze never pushed my buttons as an actor. Yet that dance scene at the end of the movie is fantastic. With Jennifer Grey. Name one other film she appeared in (without using IMDB) and you win a mask and four sheets of toilet roll! But she was the daughter of Joel Grey, the star (other than Liza Minnelli) of Cabaret. A movie two million miles from ‘one song wonder’. In fact one of my all time top 5!!!! (There are approximately 174 films in that top 5 but I’m working on it).

Flashdance. Shit. Total rubbish. Bollox. Dross. Oh but what a feeling…

Even Fame. Better. A bit. Enjoyable, to a degree. Yet defined and redeemed by dancing to the eponymous song across the streets of New York. The rest of it you can keep, or if you haven’t seen it, pretty much work out by yourself.

Wonder what’s on tonight?

Happy Sunday

A xxxx