So there I was, marching for anti-semitism and yet, at precisely that time, Spurs were getting beaten by Aston Villa at White Hart Lane. That’s not right. Not in the spirit of the day. Morally and holy-ly wrong. Thus either Spurs are shit, or, more likely, Aston Villa are aligned with Hamas. There is no other explanation. They’ve been radicalised. And where was God while all this was going on? That’s what I want to know. As His very own team lost its third match in a row. We were top of the league and being happily smug as we peered down at the rabble squabbling for our scraps, and now THIS!!! In fact, not only ‘this’, but ‘that’ too!!! ‘That’ being that Arsenal have now taken over our place at the top. The doomsday scenario. And very upsetting.

So upsetting that I needed a ‘release’. I needed someone to take it out on. I needed catharsis!

And I had to call Sky tv for something. A small thing. But whenever you call them they need to ‘offer’ you stuff. Its what they do. And thus in the flash of 26 minutes which felt like 3 hours, I was offered a new contract. Amazingly, it is £16 a month cheaper than the old one!!!! Letting me know I’ve been paying way too much for years and will be for more years to come. The cost of football. But heh, 16 quid a month is worth saving. And as ‘my new best mate’ was rushing through the terms and conditions’ as they all have to do, he just slipped in about a one-off, £30, ‘admin charge’.

‘Sorry?? What was that?’
Oh, you know, a charge for… errrr… for admin.
‘You’re pushing a button whilst on a conversation which you instigated and I’m paying for the call. Where’s the fucking admin?’

You see, it all came flooding over me, Spurs losing, Arsenal winning, Man City and Liverpool drawing, United winning, Newcastle winning, plus the fact that in 2023 we have to march against anti-semitism in the country I was born in, fun though the march was. But it all washed over me and Asnil (or whatever) was the lucky beneficiary.

‘Ok!’ he cried out, ‘I’ll do it for 20 pounds’.
No you won’t, I’m not paying anything. Its dishonest, immoral (the definition of which is ‘charging me money’) and deceitful. Cancel the contract.
‘I can do it for 10 pounds’.
You can fuck right off, matey.
‘But everyone pays an admin fee’.
Everyone’s stupid.
Ok, I’ll waive the fee.

Oh no, I wanted to keep shouting, to keep arguing, I was really enjoying myself, and he’s spoilt my fun. But even though I was tempted to continue by demanding they pay me an ‘admin fee’, I decided to let it go. Take my meds, perform some tantric tai chi for half an hour, think of my happy place (Wembley, 1981) and say ‘ohhhhhhmmmmm’ unitil he’d finished the new ts and cs, the ones WITHOUT an admin fee.

Good Monday, if not a Happy one.

A xxxx