“We must stop obesity!!!”, cried Rishi Sunak, as half the kids in our fine nation waddle to school with a satchel, a separate lunch-wheelbarrow and a BMI of 46. And why does our PM wish to take an interest in this? Particularly as his kids are stick thin? Is it for the health benefits of reducing fattiness? Is it because the kids need to be fitter? And will live longer lives??

No. It’s because obesity costs the NHS 100 billion quid a year. And I’m not even sure if that figure includes the food they’re going to eat whilst they’re in hospital.

But that strikes me as rather cynical. Whilst the younger generations are beefing up, morbidly, no-one cares. As they sit on their fat arses watching endless tv and computer games whilst eating chocolate eclairs provided by the NHS, no-one cares. Yet as soon as the bean counters work out what it costs, then HOLY SHIT!!!! We need to slim everyone down!!!

Even though the 360 million pounds a day that we ‘have saved’ by leaving Europe (Nigel Farage would NOT lie), amounts to well over 100 billion a year! So let’s eat more; the NHS can afford it!!! And it’s just like the French are paying for it!!!

That noted health brand, KFC, love opening… stores (restaurants? Cafes? Diners??) near schools. The councils try to stop them but stop trying when KFC uses its corporate clout to extend appeals and legalities way beyond the budget of any local council.

It’s not just the quantity/quality of food that has made us the fattest nation on the planet. It’s the horrendously sedentary lives we live and our children live. Whereas the kids today play ‘FIFA 23’, we used to go kick footballs in the park. Kids today watch porn all day, we used to go out chasing real women, sometimes miles and miles, if they were fast enough runners. And kids love to play shoot-em-up games, whereas we used to go out and kill real people! Which is… healthy. Well, exerting, at least.

Get them up, get them out, and don’t let them back in the house until they are slim and beautiful. Phones are for phoning people, preferably to ask for a ride home from football/netball/gym/triathlon.

Happy slim Wednesday

A xxxx