Do you remember, when you were very young and your mum took you to the Doctor’s to have inoculations and vaccinations, and when you turned up there were 27 little kids all sitting on laps awaiting their turn in the injection clinic, and one kid was screaming. Really screaming. The screams of horror, of panic; screams so loud and protracted that you’d think he was being tortured at Abu Graib? Being forced to listen to Cliff Richard’s greatest hits. Well that kid was me. It was so bad that when the nurse called to make the appointment she’d tell my mother: “the clinic is from 10 to 11.30, so bring Andrew in at 11.45 so he doesn’t upset the other children”. I got over the shame, but I’ve really got over my fear of the needle. Can’t watch them on tv. When they show smallpox vaccinations in villages in Africa, given to stoic little kids who barely blink, I’m behind the couch. When I took my kids for blood tests or anything vaguely involving needlework, my head swiveled so far away from the ‘action’ it took a week before the strained muscles in my neck eased.

This morning I went to have my yellow fever and hepatitis vaccinations for our Christmas trip. An early Christmas present; being stabbed in both arms. And I’m not happy about it. I still scream. I’ve just learned to do it internally. I said to Mel: let’s just go back to Cornwall at Christmas; you don’t need injections to go there, just statins for all the fish’n’chips and cream teas. Such a wimp. And as usual, its virtually painless. VIRTUALLY. That doesn’t mean its ok, but I survived. You have to laugh.

Unless you’re a woman in Turkey. Then you can’t laugh. Not in public anyway. Bulent Arinc, the deputy PM, has deemed it ‘inappropriate’ for women to laugh loudly in public. So presumably sniggering is ok, smirking acceptable, giggling just about fine, but laughing? What kind of country do you think this is? Women laughing in public?? Inexcusable. Might as well wear a sign saying ‘TOTAL FUCKING SLUT!!!’ Because happiness is not next to godliness, that’s cleanliness. And overt happiness is… is… somehow related to ‘immodesty’ in that parculiarly ‘honourish’ type mentality that certain cultures seem to promote, or at least accept.

I’m not in the best position to comment really, on what happens in Turkey. The nearest I’ve ever been is to Efes kebab shop on Great Titchfield Street. And a mighty fine place it is too. Filled with raucous women. And wonderful kebabs. But I grew up in the 60s and 70s when ‘equality’ and ‘freedom’ were the words of the day, along with ‘pass that joint this way’ and ‘whilst you’re burning your bra you might as well get rid of the rest of your clothing’. I also find religious doctrine repressive, though I do appreciate that some find it liberating. Mainly odd people, but who am I to judge? I scream at having a jab. But we’ve seen in so many countries that once you start imposing limits and constraints on ‘women’ (men can laugh all they like, can piss themselves laughing for all Bulent Arinc cares), its a short hop to the full niqab, to removing females from education, from public stonings for ‘adultery’, even, as in some places, for raped women.

So Turkey is hanging on to its ‘secular’ status by the thinnest of head-scarves. Watch this space.

Happy pain-free Thursday

A xxxx