Its an old problem. No, I mean, its a problem; the old. Old people. Millions of them. Where do we put them, how do we store them, what should we feed them, who’s gonna pay for them?

Answer the last question first. Who’s gonna pay?

Jeremy Corbyn wants all old people to be put in palaces, clear out that useless monarchy, they’re different old people, and fill up with retired union members. The rich will pay. Ok, he didn’t actually write that in his manifesto but could have done as he lives, economically, in some kind of cloud cuckoo–land anyway where money is in endless supply as long as he perceives the cause to be worthy. Worthy of the Bolsheviks in 1917 probably more than of Britain in 2017 but in his mind they’re almost the same.

Theresa May has a different plan. Make old people pay for it themselves. Ooooh, that’s radical. In fact its rather logical, welfare statism notwithstanding. Because the welfare of the welfare state is dependent on its wealf. And currently; it don’t got none. So those old people who go into care will, basically, lose their houses to pay for that care. Or, in many cases of care homes; to pay for that lack of care verging on total neglect. Seems reasonable.

Except its the most unpopular thing any politician has ever said. The Conservative lead in the opinion polls dropped catastrophically as soon as Theresa had finished the sentence “… to pay for those miserable old gits”.

There’s been uproar. Mainly by the children of those oldies who see their own futures suddenly bleaker to the tune of several hundred grand’s worth of house. And those ‘children’ are the ones who vote. Old people don’t, they’re not physically able to do so and the ones who are don’t waste their time in polling stations whilst the bookies are open and the brothels available.

As a society we’re getting ‘older’. Medicines, care and health have increased longevity massively in just one generation. Which has created the biggest stockpile since the European Milk crisis in nineteen seventy-something.

I think we should eat old people. They’re fairly nutritious and certainly abundant. It would solve so many problems, if we just put aside our quite irrational fear of cannibalism for just a moment. The French eat horses, for fuck sake, and we’re all appalled by this. Until we visit Paris and sample the Red Rum Stew. So we could overcome our reluctance if necessary. I know lots of people don’t eat meat, mainly because they’re silly, so they could eat the old people who were in a ‘vegetative state’. Be kind of a ‘vegetative steak’. I mean obviously I’m just thinking this through at the moment, haven’t finally formalised the details, just thinking outside the horse-box.

Too much thinking, too little football. That’s the problem,

Happy Sunday

A xxxx