Do you remember, as a kid, (I hope), getting a ‘compendium of games’? It was a normal board-game sized box but inside were the slimmed down versions of a dozen different games. Ludo, scrabble, chess, draughts, snakes’n’ladders, loads of games, all kind’a wrapped up together to save space and time and create so many options? Remember that?

Well that’s what we’re going to get at Spurs. A Compendium Stadium. And its a brilliant idea. Money-spinning. Ergonomic. And making the best use of facilities.

On saturdays they’ll play football there. At the new stadium, come 2018, may it please God, pth, pth, pth. Then on Sundays they slide the pitch aside (it can be done, it is done elsewhere) and reveal artificial turf upon which will be played American Football. NFL. We’ll get a franchise as the NFL are (for some unaccountable reason) keen to have a team in London. Probably for the easy commute to New Orleans.

The plans for the new stadium, now all those pesky local businesses have been removed by buy-outs or fires, are moving forward and they’re building special changing rooms, really fucking huge ones, that can accommodate not just the 52 immense and mountainous players on a gridiron team, but the 25 coaches (people, not buses) that have to be with them at all times to stop them taking drugs.

Spurs are in negotiation with the NFL as you read this, because they want promises before making big investments in the structure modifications that are required. You can’t play American Football on a proper football pitch, they churn it up, like they do at Wembley every year. So we’ll have the two pitch scenario.

I think we should take this further. And on Wednesdays, the whole stadium slides neatly underground (like it would in Thunderbirds) and they play golf there. Of course you’d need to be very carful strolling down Tottenham High Street dressed like a pratt, or ‘in golfing attire’ as its known, because muggers love golf clubs.

Thursdays could be cricket day, sliding the stands back by 50 yards or so for the boundaries, and on Friday you could play bridge there.

Which leaves Tuesdays, and I’m thinking Formula One. Big money in F1. Little drivers, but big cash.

The only question that remains: what will we call ‘our’ NFL team? The Tottenham Texans? The Tottenham Rioters?? The Cockney Bastards?? Or The Scottish Braves??? if Nicola Sturgeon becomes prime minister. Though if that happens I’ll be living in Kabul for safety.

Happy Friday

A xxxx