I’m not quite sure if ‘this is the week that defines our season’ or if it already started last weekend, when we were brutally cheated out of the FA cup by Palace. Or if it really began on Thursday night with our wonderful win against Fiorentina? Arguably ‘the week’ began back in August when we lost our first match of the season at Manchester United. And thought: oh well, we always struggle with the big teams away from home, same old same old. Never mind, we’ll beat Norwich at home, Villa away, draw with Chelsea in January and end up 6th.

But that didn’t happen. No. Nothing like. Instead, a miracle occurred. An Argentinian has parted the Red Sea for us (a stunning metaphor; Liverpool, Arsenal, Man.U; red sea??) and we are, as of yesterday afternoon, in the most horrible position of ‘favourites’ to win the league. With the bookies if not the Arsenal fans.

Religious types, when asked why God doesn’t just do one little miracle, just to, once and for all show everyone that He is The undisputed Boss, just a little thing; a burning shrub, feeding just 25 of the original 5000, using Nigella’s cookbook, for under a hundred quid; slaying UKIP members’ first born, just a little miracle, so we ‘know’. But they answer that its all about faith and Man is unworthy. God doesn’t fucking grandstand.

Spurs fans are obviously worthy. Because we have been shown a miracle of our own. In fact every sodding week seems to bring its own miracle. Yesterday’s being the come from behind (what Spurs??? They don’t do that; they crumble and die) victory against the noble Swans of Swansea town. Pochettino has turned our fragile bunch of head-droppers into the most potent come-from-behinders in the league.

Our last two league matches have been won by goals from our full-backs. That speaks volumes. But just like my mother-in-law, who also speaks volumes, I have no idea what any of it means. Interesting though. And demonstrates the fantastically high-line, high-pressure game we’ve developed under Mauricio the Magnificent.

So now, in the week that could have been going on for about 5 months, we now face West Ham on Wednesday and then, next weekend… THE ARSENAL!!!!! In a match that’s fast becoming ‘THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOTBALL MATCH EVER PLAYED ANYWHERE IN THE CIVILISED OR UNCIVILISED (Spain) WORLD!!!!! It is a 19-pointer. It could be a league decider. It could decide the very fate of the entire human, and subhuman (UKIP) race. Its that big.

Yet West Ham are first. And they are the league’s most horrible team. Other teams are stronger, others more brutal, some much better. But none more horrible than the Hammers. Because they hate us and I have no idea why.

But bring ’em on, that’s what I say, just bring ’em on.

Unfortunately I shall now be wearing incontinence pants for the remainder of this season.

Happy, slightly nervous, very excited, mildly apprehensive, totally committed Monday

A xxxx