There’s so many things to do here. I’m more than satisfied with the core activites: eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Lying in the sun which finally, yesterday, made its statement of intent. Ok, and the ‘stretch’ or ‘yoga’ class at 10 to keep Mel happy. She’s never happier than when balancing on one foot and her nose with both arms in the air and the other foot… I’ve forgotten where that went. Mine went sideways onto the floor with the rest of me at that point. Of course there’s swimming but we always swim before breakfast on holidays. Mel does that at home. I refuse to do it anywhere that requires shoes. Or a coat. But on holidays, in we go. She swims her 1.5k and I do 47 metres. Doggy paddle is not fast.

But then there was Zumba. Zumba? You know, dancing round really energetically until you sweat a lot and fall over. Well, that sounds like me. I love dancing and I’m great at falling over (see above). The class was 10 women and me. Would I have been there if the instructor hadn’t been so gorgeous? YES!! I refused to look at her at all in case someone might misconstrue it as ‘objectification’. So, obviously, I did it all wrong. But it was fun.

Today we tried ‘water aerobics’. This is really brilliant. You stand in a swimming pool, making sure you’re not shaded by any trees which might upset your tan and do yet more dancing whilst watching two really loud Mexican guys having the time of their lives whilst managing to avoid giving any instructions. On the basis that no-one applauded them for giving the few instructions they did give, but everyone whooped and yaaayed and clapped when they twerked. What would you have done? Then you all high five as if you’ve scored a winning goal at the Etihad and go back to the pool thinking ‘WTF?’

This afternoon we went to a cocktail making… lesson? Show? Instruction? Whatever, it was just an excuse to drink a few cocktails during the sunlight hours. Not that Americans and Canadians appear to have any such qualms even when not attending a lesson. Us Brits just eat blueberries and drink water. I just can’t do beer with my cornflakes. (As if I’d eat cornflakes when there’s so much good stuff to ruin the diet with).

Some people have complained that my last blog was a bit insulting to Americans. Particularly those… of a certain dimension. I’ve now realised this error. Because there’s loads of immensely fat Canadians here too!! I never knew. I’ll re-work the statistics overnight, as soon as I’ve finished my 9th margarita.

Happy who-knows-or-cares-what-day-it-is

A xxxx