The end of an insTITution. Though its all for the breast, really. As The Sun newspaper ends its 44 year run of showing a semi-naked woman (actually ‘girl’ really) on page 3 every day. Instead they’re going to replace it with girls in bikinis. And having just returned from my time on the Copacabana beach, there’s very little difference between these two states of undress. A nipple or two is generally all that will be saved.

Page 3 is a British institution. Like the Queen. Though she never made it onto that pedestal herself. Eeeuuuuwww. But it was wrong. It was anti-feminist, it was seen (at the time) as ‘pornographic’ and smutty and generally ‘low’. Yet it sold 4 million copies of that newspaper every day. Obviously a lot of ‘low’ and ‘smutty’ people in Britain. And they weren’t buying The Sun for its stimulating journalism. Because its crap. Always has been. Except the football. Which is covered rather well and certainly extensively.

Hmmmmm… could there be a link between tits and football? Is there a common denominator?? Yes, of course there is, and he is very common. He’s your standard British, cor-blimey, salt-a-the-earth, look’a-the-rack-on-thatttttt, beer-swilling, under-educated, avin’-a-laaarf, pot-bellied, unwashed working man. Kind of a West Ham fan meets Nigel Farage. Though I abhor facile stereotyping.

And there’s at least 2 million of those. The other 2 million daily ‘readers’ (because most of them can’t or don’t) are schoolboys. Who love page 3. Even though they all now carry smartphones which can dial up a gang-rape S&M, Asian-babe video in 3.7 seconds. Apparently.

My main concern is that now there is going to be a great many breasts going around with nowhere to display. There’s been about 15,000 page three pictures; that’s 30,000 breasts. Where will they all go? What will they do with them?? Its a grave concern.

Page 3 turned Sally from Stevanage (who eats llama) and Kelli from Kiderminster (breeds budgerigars) and Heidi from Hull (makes all her own clothes, which is why she dresses like a tramp) into superstars. For one day. Because tomorrow April from Anglesey (tortures guinea pigs with car batteries) comes along and yesterday’s tits are all but forgotten. Except for the tragically sad and pathetic (you know who you are) who cut the pictures out and arrange them in a collage next to your bed. To impress your wife.

Yet some of these women made it far. Samantha Fox. Couldn’t sing for shit but we all loved to watch her because we knew what she looked like naked. Linda Lusardi. Jilly Johnson. Aaaaahhhhhhh, the mammories…

We won’t have the exploitation/empowerment argument here, basically because its a load of bollocks. Even though they never actually showed bollocks on page 3. Perhaps they should? Maybe they will?? And that’s what they’re making room for?

I personally shall really miss page 3. Even though I haven’t looked at The Sun since I was 14. But on the rule that anything that causes offense to silly people can only ever be a good thing, they should leave it where it is. However out of time, out of place and out of zeitgeist it may now be.

Something else to add to the very long list of ‘things we must never forgive Rupert Murdoch for’.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx