Ever had a ‘dream within a dream’? You know, when you ‘wake up’ but actually you haven’t, you’re still dreaming but think you’ve awoken.

I had that yesterday. I had a nap in the afternoon, I’m allowed, I’m on holiday, and I dreamed that when I woke up Spurs were beating Chelsea 4-1. Obviously a dream within a dream type situation, though it felt really good at the time.

I’ll admit to being aware that a football match was being played somewhere in the world because before my nap I’d seen on the web that Spurs had equalised after going 0-1 down. Itself (so it seemed at the time) a minor fucking miracle. But 4-1??? Sorry, 4-2 because some little Belgian bastard had the cheek to score a goal and its 77 minutes and some serious dream-fretting would be required.

I’d also dreamed that Arsenal had lost at Southampton. Oooooooh, spooky these dreams, kind of wish fulfilment in overdrive. And that West Ham had failed to beat West Brom in their earlier match. And that Liverpool had run out of penalties and squandered a 2-0 lead over lowly Leicester.

So a win against Chelsea would not only be amazing, it would really, on this specific occasion, be the real ‘stuff of dreams’ because we’d get the leap on all our closest foes. And that never happens. Normally in that situation we lose 7-0 at home to Dagenham & Redbridge.

Its also worth mentioning another salient point. Chelsea just don’t lose. They may draw the odd game and feel they’ve been robbed, the refs have cheated, the world is against them, but this season, they don’t lose. And to Spurs, they never, ever lose. Only in my dreams.

And in that weird and wonderful fugue state I found myself, Spurs scored again. 5-2. Impossible. Chelsea have never conceded 5 under Morinho. Impossible. So I dreamed my way over to my ipad and realised the worst thing about Brazil. There’s no Sky Sports, you can’t get 5-live (ok, clever dick, I-I-I can’t get 5-live) and so you have just the BBC for comfort and they lag real time by 3 minutes. Bastards; what do I pay my fucking license fee for???? Plus frantic emails from the daughters back home. Yet, in dreams you do have that sssslllllloooooooowwwwww movement in which you’re like living under the effect of quaaludes or in deep water and can’t effect proper speed of action. Just like the BBC.

John fucking Terry pulled a goal back. 5-3 in the 89th minute. Dream on Chelsea. I clicked my heels together 3 times, just to check. Sadly I’d left my red high heels at home and had to make do with flip-flops, but I didn’t end up back in Kansas, nor even (heaven forbid) London. So I just had to live through 4 hours of injury time… ok, 6 minutes but in my dream it sure felt like 4 hours, and we had won. In my dream within a dream.

But it wasn’t!!!!! It was real!!!!! And we really HAD beaten the rotten blues and we really had overtaken both West Ham and Arsenal and… and… and…

Next year I’ve decided to spend the entire football season asleep in Brazil.

Happy Friday. If its real.

A xxxx