BMW are big in electric cars. They’re right up there with all the major players, more so than normal rivals Mercedes and Audi who are only toying with the concept currently, which may affect their standing over the next 10 years of ‘the revolution’.

And from 2021, BMW are putting ‘gaze recognition’ in all their electric cars. The (fucking) car will be able to tell what you’re looking at outside the car. Three cameras triangulate the eyes of the driver to ‘see’ where he’s looking and upon a single word command, the car will produce the menu of the restaurant the driver is eying up, the reviews, book a table, if required, probably pour the wine. The amount of which will thus be dependent on the degree of autonomy to which the car is set. More autonomy, more wine. Presumably. The command required is just ‘open!’ Like that. Spoken with an exclamation mark. Like you speak to Alexa. Otherwise da bitch don’t listen.

But what if the drivers gaze happens to be on the lovely legs of a gorgeous woman? I’m aware that such distractions can occur in weak-minded individuals. Normally men, if I can still say such a thing without the world crashing down on my head. But if a mere photo of Eva Herzigova’s wonderbra had to be banned because it caused crashes, it must be deduced that some men do look at women. #metoo.

So you’re staring at the lovely legs and you shout: OPEN! What happens next? What does your wife say? Assuming you still have one and not replaced her with a robot with naughty bits. But if you have the sex-bot, standard on the M-models, she’s probably blue-toothed to the car anyway so she knows exactly what you’re looking at before you do and so one minute you’re driving and suddenly you get a slap. And this is going to be a proper slap. Arnie in Terminator kind’a slap. Send you through the car door and smashing through the wall of the very restaurant you were looking at before the legs came into view.

And they call this ‘progress’. Phah.

Not talking about football. Ever again.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx