Its great being a Chelsea fan. I don’t know why everybody doesn’t support them. Abramovich should just buy everyone else’s fans, like he does with managers and directors and players. Fans wouldn’t cost much, would they? Though Sheikh Mansoor would probably put in a counter-bid for, like, Tranmere Rovers fan club, thus inflating the rate for their 26 members.

But us Chelsea followers have a great time. We go to matches and we come home victorious. Even yesterday when we played Manchester United, we didn’t win, in fact we were robbed in the 94th minute by an equalising goal, but we still brought a point back home where we can keep it with all the others, right at the top of the league. So coming home we had a right good drink on the 7.26 from Manchester Piccadilly down to Euston. In fact we were so pissed by the time we arrived back in London that we had to go straight to the pub and keep the buzz going until we all vomited into the garden of the house next door at midnight. Must have been the beensprouts in me kebab. What a laaarffff. Though not necessarily for the owners of that house next door, I grant you.

We’d quite forgotten, in our drunken stupor, that we had certain responsibilities which really should have been attended to. Fights need to be fought. Innocent civilians need to be scared shitless by blue-shirted skinheads with arms full of tattoos screaming evil songs, and synagogues don’t desecrate themselves.

But can you imagine what it would be like to support a different team? How horrible would that be. Like Spurs, f’rinstance. They only beat third rate teams from the Greek 3rd division, then delude themselves that such a hollow victory stands them in good stead to face a proper, in-yer-face, even talented Premiership team. Yet then along come a bottom three club and beat them at the Lane. If I didn’t faaaarrrrkin’ hate them so much I’d almost feel sorry for them. But I don’t. Because they’re jew scum.

Bit like the Arsenal. Who also play like a bunch’a tarts. The only difference is that they somehow manage to win the odd game as well. Not that Sunderland are in a very good place at the moment. And places don’t get any worse than Sunderland.

West Ham fans are a bit like us Chelsea fans, at heart. In that they pretty well hate everyone and everyone hates them because they’re vile, evil, nasty, nazi, racist, cockney, bottom-feeding vermin. But the Hammers are punching well above their weight at present. Forth in the bloody league and saw off Manchester City, if you so please. I put a tenner on City winning, on an accumulator with ‘Hung like a Horse’ winning the 3.27 at Chepstow, The Fat Blond getting kicked off Strictly Come Dancing and the Portsmouth jihadi getting killed in Iraq. Waste of a bleedin’ tenner that was then. So I put another one on West Ham getting relegated. On the assumption that their luck can’t last forever and they have no skill or talent whatsoever to back it up. 43 to 2 on that. Good odds.

I’m gonna write to Abramovich though, because we need Ronaldo playing for the Blues. In case Costa gets hurt or Drogba dies of old age. I saw the Portugueser Saturday night playing against Barcelona and he’s well tasty. His buy-out is only about £5.7 billion, which is a bit of a bargain really cos he scores about 70 goals a season. And its not like Roman is short of cash, is it? He spends more than that on boats every summer.

CHEL-SEA-EAEAEA…

Happy Monday

A xxxx