Last night the England football team did us all proud. Even for those football fans who, like me, don’t really give two shits what happens in the Euros. But England won their group. Which is brilliant. Yet the press is being really unfair about it. Criticising their play, accusing them of lacking ambition, neither entertaining nor producing, calling them ‘BORING AS FUCK BUT WITH LESS CLUE!!’ Really unfair. They were playing Slovenia and that’s a really hard fixture. Fielding, as they do, no less than 11 Slovenians in their team. That’s more than you’d get anywhere else in Germany. Or England. And although Slovenia is ranked 57th in the football… errrrr… ranking table, that’s not to underestimate them. In a nation famous for… Sloves?… errrr… famous for not doing well in football tournaments, they were always going to be difficult opposition. And if they’re not, we’ll play so awfully that we make them look like they’re difficult. And that’s how good we were. Who needs goals when you can win the group with a nil-nil tedium-fest? Better that way.

Kier Starmer (England fan, Arsenal fan…) has 3 problems. The Greens, who feel he’s not green enough. The Pro-Palestinians, who feel he’s not Palestinian enough; he never wears a keffiyeh in Parliament, nor shouts ‘from the river to the sea’ at the Tories. And from the ‘trans’ lobbyists and ‘feminists’ who between them have produced Fermat’s last theorem for the non-mathematical. A problem for which there is no solution within the bounds of all we know. Even Alexa can’t help with this one.

The ‘trans’ group want empathy, understanding and compassion for their plight, which is definitely a difficult one. So they want to be treated in their chosen gender. Particularly trans women. Even if they have a penis and a beard. Whereas the feminists are stubbornly insistent on having ‘safe spaces’ for women. Like public toilets. Changing rooms. So the question is: at what point in this ‘transition’ is a former man unquestionably a woman? Anyone can wear a dress. I do it all the time. Means nothing. And Kier has pledged to make it ‘easier to be certified’. Which is one step away from ‘self certification’, the absolute farcical situation they tried in Scotland for 10 minutes until a bloke used it to get into a women’s prison and, surprise surprise, assaulted women (ones without penises).

Wherever you draw the line will upset one party or the other. And both are militant. So good luck with that one Kier. And he thought he only had to bother about the economy, education, policing, knife-crime and the Euros.

Happy One week to voting day, day

A xxxx