I would not choose to ban Boris Johnson. Even though he looks like a fat pink pig wearing a cheap blonde wig. Or a blow-up sex doll that’s been almost catastrophically over-inflated.(Denmark has banned him.)

Ahhhhh, Boris Johnson. What do we do about Boris? However far he falls he just keeps grabbing the headlines, for all the wrong reasons.

Would I apologise to Boris for writing that opening sentence? No. But I don’t have to, I’m not a member of parliament. I’m barely a member of society. But, because it is insulting and possibly hurtful (to fat pigs, if not to rather thick-skinned, or thick-rinded, Boris) then I SHOULD apologise.

Boris refuses to apologise for stating that he would NOT ban the burka, BUT (and its a really big but) they look stupid, like letterboxes or bank robbers. That’s what he wrote. Yes, wrote. So there’s no ambiguity, it was in the Daily Telegraph, the most ambiguity-free organ in the world.

But never underestimate Boris Johnson and his limitless ability for subterfuge.

You can’t claim ‘Islamophobia’ because he’s stating he would NOT ban the burka. So the statement following; letterboxes, bank robbers, etc, is just a ‘casual observation’, a ‘joke’.

And, putting aside our PC hats/caps/kippas/scarves for a moment; it is funny. Because full face coverings are, to western eyes, stupid. We all frown at Boris but at some level, we have to agree. Half the muslims in the world also agree. Because the headscarf and full-facing thing is NOT a muslim precept. Its not in the Quran. Its just an extreme interpretation which started in Saudi Arabia as a cultural thing and spread around the Islamic world as a sign of extreme dedication. Not to Islam, as stated, but to the cultural interpretation by the most brutal, sexist group of misogynists ever to grace the world. Women can say they do it ‘for themselves; it liberates them’ but quite frankly that is bollox. Its like chaining yourself naked to the floor spreadeagled and claiming ’empowerment’. The Quran speaks only of ‘modesty’, the rest is just interpretation. Modesty where I grew up meant when you piss in public you do it against a wall rather than waving it passing cars.

But the argument is not about the merits of the burka. Its about whether its appropriate for a politician to make silly jokes about a group of people who share a very strong belief. ‘Taking the piss’, as its known.

Though Boris, as ever, chooses a very clever target and a very clever time. He wants to lead the party, he wants to be PM, this is no news to anyone. And he knows that his ‘core’ supporters are to the right of the Tory party. Who are all like him. Slightly xenophobic, mildly anti-immigration, pro-Brexit. Who will love his comments dearly, upset caused or not.

Boris is a tosser. And even if he did apologise, he wouldn’t mean it.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx