I’m having serious trouble awarding this week’s ‘tosser of the week award’ due to a positive glut of worthies for the title.

George Galloway is always a candidate, just for wearing that stupid fucking hat. But the ‘antisemite’s antisemite’ managed to win the bye-election in Raffah, sorry, in Rochdale, on a single matter, completely unrelated to the town of Rochdale or even the nation in which he’ll now sit in parliament for. He campaigned on a ‘Palestine’ ticket. He briefly alluded to doing some local things in his victory speech, but only long after stating his motivation, his reasoning and his sole ambition. Which is to try and get Kier Starmer, who won’t listen to him, to call for a ‘ceasefire now!!!’, which Israel won’t listen to, and that’s it. An exercise in total futility.

Nigel Farage chose a different line of anti-semitism in his chat with Donald Trump. When speaking of ‘the Russian threat’ in America due to the upcoming election there and Putin’s previous putative participation in the last one, The Brexit-meister offered that the Ruskis are not as big a threat as ‘the Jewish Lobby’. Yeah, because Jews are famous for invading Ukraine, murdering their opponents in gruesome ways and parading round Red Square, right? In fact, what is a Jewish (fucking) Lobby? Is it the foyer of a kosher hotel? Jews generally argue with each other… ok, with anybody. So the presumption that a number of influential people from disparate spheres of influence would join together and agree on the destruction of American democracy is almost as stupidly funny as presuming that Britain would be better of without Europe.

Yet even with this most amazing of competition, I really think the Tosser of the Week simply MUST go to Kyle Ratcliffe. Who? Good question. He has the honour of being the father of the boy-partner who murdered Brianna Ghey, now in prison for life. But Daddy Ratcliffe will join his son, not for so long, after being possibly the first person ever to be convicted by a court of law for being ‘a total wanker’. He was caught masturbating in public in front of young girls. Twice. Same girls. And others too. Sometimes in his car. Sometimes on the pavement. What a vile man.

And thus, for sheer literal perfection, Kyle becomes my ‘tosser of the week’.

(If you wish to be considered for this coveted position all you have to do is: act like a tosser. You can be a hypocritical MP, a serial flasher, a total moron, almost any footballer will qualify, all Chelsea fans are eligible, most Arsenal fans too, a bus conductor with ‘attitude’, a virtue-signaller, a woke literalist, a mayor of London or Gary Linneker).

Happy Friday.

A xxxx