Look, you know I was on holiday, you know I couldn’t sort out the entire fucking world whilst I’m here thousands of miles away from civilisation, struggling to download my Times every fifth bleedin’ day, yet as soon as I turn my back to look at a glacier or some falls, look what bloody happens.

Christiano Ronaldo becomes the world footballer of the year!!

How is that even possible? Just because he scores 100 goals a week, because he’s brilliant, consistent, arrogant, horrible and Portuguese?

WHAT ABOUT HARRY KANE??????

When I read the shortlist of the world player I thought they were just having a larf, leaving Harry out. Obviously if you’re playing 4-4-2, you’d drop either Ronaldo or Messi and play Harry up front with the other one. Maybe drop them both, for being foreign, and play Bale with Kane instead. Robben on the right, Ribery on the left, amazing. But no, Harry Kane was ignored, passed over, his birthright given to another.

I’d be really angry if it wasn’t for the phenomenum of ‘strategic leadership planning’.

Keely Huxtable is a bit of a babe. She also a Tory who stood for some God-forsaken constituency in Birmingham. And a school governer… governess… whatever. She’s married. To Mr Huxtable. Yet was caught ‘in flagranti’ with the headmaster of the school she runs. By his wife. Oooops. Keely denied running naked out of the cottage in which they were ‘found’, and also that her man, or rather, someone else’s man that she’d borrowed, pulled on a pair of boxer shorts after his wife forced her way in. And Ms Huxtable maintained that they were engaged in a ‘strategic planning meeting’, nothing more than that.

I’ve never been to such a meeting. Though I’ve subsequently applied to 587. But haven’t heard back from any of my requests for both pictures of the women involved and what underwear they won’t be wearing.

Came back from my second walking tour of Buenos Aires of the day (one’s never enough when its only about 36 degrees outside, gotta take advantage of the cool weather: that’s a smug bastard on holiday joke) to find Spurs had seen off Burnley. Ronaldo doesn’t play for Burnley but they still managed to be 2 up after 7 minutes. No point doing anything the easy way, is there?

Happy Wednesday (or possibly thursday)

A xxxx