Donald Trump is coming over for a state visit. The full works. He’ll be dressed as Henry VIII with a stick-on beard and paraded up the Mall in a horse-drawn carriage so the crowds can adore him. They’ll probably let him take Melania to the Tower and cut her head off, then its over to the Palace for dinner. With 200 people, dignitaries, leaders, royals, the lot. William and Kate will be there. Harry and Megan too. Meg will have her own table for 1 next to the main table because no-one likes her, even though we used to love her. Theresa May will be there, bending Donald’s ear to see if maybe he’d like to vote for her deal as no-one over here will. It will be a grand affair. Evening gowns, black tie, be-jewelled, silver service, the best cutlery brought out, no plastic knives and forks or pizza buffet. Even though Donald would probably prefer that. But Her Majesty the Queen will be there and doesn’t do pizza lap-dancing. Not at the Palace anyway.

But one noted absence will be Jeremy Corbyn. The leader of Her Majesty’s opposition party, the Marxist’s Trotskyist, the anti-semite’s anti-Semite, the elbow-patcher’s duffle-coat. It’s not that the Queen didn’t invite him because she tries to keep scumbags out of the Palace as unfortunately for her, scumbags are part of the job. Come with the Crown. Otherwise she’d have had to ban Prince Andrew, Prince Edward, Sarah Ferguson, her own husband and many others. Her Maj did indeed dutifully invite Jezza but he declined, refused and snubbed our monarch as an act of principle. You can’t get more committed, more moral, more simply splendid than that, can you? He passed over a free dinner because of his exemplary standards. What a (fucking) hero. Personally I have no principle that is more important than free food. That’s why I’m not the leader of the Working Man’s Labour Momentum Bully Party for Communists.

The only problem is; no-one’s really sure what that principle might be.

Donald Trump is not being invited because he’s a misogynistic, ‘pussy-grabbing’, Pringle-wearing slob. He’s not being invited in celebration of being ALMOST innocent in Russian collusion charges. He’s not being invited to play golf. He’s invited here as the incumbent President of America. It’s not personal. It’s national.

Any sensible Brit, (thus precluding all of Labour and Momentum, sadly), realises the importance of the USA to us, here on our little island. It’s what keeps us safe. Ok, a few nukes help but Russia would never invade or attack us whilst America is onside. Twice in OUR world wars, the Yanks have come to help us. Normandy was NOT their war, but they came, they helped, they fucking died in their thousands for us. Furthermore, nostalgia aside, when (if?) Brexit comes, we need trade. And what better than a country with 360 million to trade with? So its not about Trump, who I hate, but about America, which I love.

But Corbyn won’t eat at the same table as Trump. Even at 200 yards away, as they have very big tables at the Palace. Yet oddly, he was happy to eat with the leader of Hammas. Got a deliveroo with President Xi of China (human rights? What are they??). He’s had pie and mash with 14 assorted known IRA murderers and would happily drink vodka with the Russians who came to murder the Kripals. Or any Russian.

Thus Trump ain’t the problem, ain’t the principle. America is the principle. All that capitalism, all that ‘establishment’ in one place. And also, never forget, Corbyn is, above all else, the Tosser’s Tosser.

Happy Sunday. Unless you are an Arsenal fan, like Jeremy Corbyn.

A xxxx