When Joey gets tummy time, we ALL get tummy time! That’s a house rule. Some of the Barbies didn’t get the memo.

But in between tummy time, and Barbies, and tennis and all sorts of stuff, there was some sport played this weekend. You may have missed it. But it was just… one of those weekends.

The cricket was awesome. We (farkin) beat those Aussies in the 5th Test, tying the series, though not regaining the Ashes, which was a small mark on an otherwise outstanding display from England in the final match. Which basically came down to one event. If you can get Steve Smith out for 23 runs you’re probably going to win. And we did.

But the football. Oh my, the football. There was turmoil in the ‘top 6’. Even though half of the alleged ‘top 6’ were nowhere near at the time as the season’s only 5 matches old. So EVEN Spurs (top 4! If you fucking per-lease) were languishing midway through the dross at the start of Saturday.

Liverpool, predictably, inevitably, understandably, won easily against the same Newcastle team which Spurs had so struggled against just a couple of weeks ago. The result of the Liverpool match won’t please many people outside of the Mersey region but it opens up a 5-point gap at the top of the league. ALREADY!!!! Suffice to say, should Liverpool fail to win the Premiership this year there WILL be a public inquiry. If not more than one.

Then Spurs played. Against Crystal Palace, who had been, due solely to quirks in early season flukishness and nothing to do with being a ‘good team’, 4th in the table. But Spurs suddenly became Spurs again and scored 4 fab goals in the first half. Then took the rest of the match off to recover. But it had been more than enough.

The late game on Saturday was the expected Manchester City demolition of Norwich at Carrow Road. But it don’t always work out that way. Norwich were brilliant, City fazed by being forced onto the back foot for a lot of the game, and so the £400 million difference in squad value proved to be in fact worth less than a bag of chips as Norwich won.

Then yesterday came. And Arsenal visited Watford. Who are my 3rd favourite team in deference to Sir Elton and due to the fact that going to Watford’s ground reminds me of playing football at school.

The mighty Arsenal went 2-nil up in the first half, typically Arsenal, though Watford had come right at them early on and could easily been a goal or two up themselves, if they had anyone who could actually… kind’a… sort of… kick a ball into a fucking net. But they don’t, with Troy Deaney injured, so the Arse strutted off after 45 with their normal horrible arrogant complacency.

The second half, which I watched in its entirety, was the most entertaining football I’ve ever seen. It was entitled: Arsenal: the collapse into chaos and it was a thing of sublime beauty. Gifting Watford a quite ridiculous but wonderfully hilarious first goal due to the Gunners’ insistence on only EVER running the ball out of defence and NEVER just kicking it. And when you have ‘stars’ like Sokratis and David Luiz back there, it can be risky, and it was. The former giving away the first goal and the latter giving the penalty for the second. Watford forced Arsenal to defend with endless attacking play and defending is not really what the Arse do particularly well. And it broke their rhythm, they couldn’t pass, couldn’t play, it was simply: a thing of beauty.

Ahhhh, very happy Monday

A xxxx