Ahhh Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles. Do you know what that means? Why not; you have google, you can find anything. It means ‘above all’. Germany above all.

Above all what? That’s the question. Just not one I’m prepared to answer. Until tomorrow, when I make my inaugural visit to the Fatherland. Or Motherland.

Going to Berlin for the weekend. No idea what I might find there. Though I’ll guess there’ll be loads of Syrians. Maybe couple of Germans too, I dare say. And how will I know when I’m in the East part, and have to keep my head down, watch out for secret police, join queues for rationed food allowance, or in the West, when its all decadence, transvestites, prostitutes, Cabaret and Leibfraumilch? How will I know? They’ve taken the sodding wall down, which was really stupid from a tourist point-of-view. I’ll start with Bayern Munich’s football stadium. What do you mean ‘its not in Berlin’? Course it is. Where else would it be? In Bavaria?? Don’t be daft. Biggest club, biggest city; that’s the rule.

And it seemed like a good idea, as we’re only going for three days, to get the ‘early flight’. Oh, 6.30. That’s quite early. And because they won’t pick us up on the way over, we have to go to the airport first. So what started as ‘an early start’ has ended up ‘is it worth going to bed?’ The answer to which is always ‘yes’.

I want to speak to Volkswagen whilst I’m there too. Find out what all this mess is about. Perhaps have a chat with Angela Merkel, sort her out about exactly how many refugees her nation will take. As the number went down from ‘all we can get’ to ‘half a dozen’ in a matter of days.

But I must admit to being rather excited about this trip. Having avoided Germany (and Germans, much as possible, Jurgen Klinsmann aside, of course) my whole life, I’m keen to see the city that most people really rave about. And I must also confess that I quite like Germans. They’re not horrible (like Austrians) or arrogant (like Austrians) and nasty (like Austrians), but they’re cool and decent and unlike that other Germanic nation they have apologised wholeheartedly for the atrocities caused by previous generations. You can’t pick your grandparents. That’s a rule of genetics.

So I shall keep you posted, long as we have wi-fi. Which I’d imagine will be everywhere in West Berlin, whilst in the East they’ll have carrier pigeons. For this weekend, like JFK said in 1961, ‘ich bin ein Berliner’. I hope that’s where the similarities between me and Jack end.

Happy Friday

A xxxx