In normal circumstances (whatever that even means), I find the fixture between Tottenham Hotspur (blessed be their name) and Arsenal (the Devil’s team) to be exceedingly stressful. I’ve attended many and it’s difficult. I’ve watched many, hiding behind the sofa with my fingers over my eyes. Arsenal won the league in 1971 by beating Spurs, at White Hart Lane. The Nakba. Which brought about the saying ‘never again!’

Tomorrow is not in any way ‘normal circumstances’. The north London derby will be fought out with multiple possible effects on the remainder of the season. All of them ‘crucial’.

Because despite what Arsenal fans might have you believe, Spurs are not in the game just to stop Arsenal’s chances of winning the league. We have our own agenda! Though I’m not definitively saying that stopping Arsenal winning the league at any cost whatsoever, personal, emotional, financial or illegal, is not a on that agenda. But we need to win to have the chance to lose out on 4th place later in the season. We need to keep Villa in our sights. Spurs’ measure of success is slightly different because we simply never win anything.

Thus tomorrow’s game is possibly the most important match in the entire history of humanity. Even pre-humanity. When teams of Neanderthals roamed the wilderness kicking things around. Obviously it was just Bolton and Leeds then, but football goes back a long way. And never has a match been so important.

If Arsenal lose that will virtually gift the title to Manchester City. And no-one wants that. Except possibly a few horrible, unfriendly, nasty, distasteful no-goodniks wearing Spurs shirts.

Liverpool have bowed out of the title race following two defeats last week. I would say ‘bowed out gracefully’ but they don’t take loss gracefully in Liverpool. The (first) public inquiry starts next week.

Thus for Arsenal, tomorrow is a ‘must win’ (there are no ‘must loses’, by the way). And for Spurs it’s a must win too. Because otherwise, if Arsenal should decide this to be their season of destiny, we’ll never hear the fucking end of it.

And this is the north London derby. An odd kind of rivalry in which we have seriously mixed views. You can’t watch Arsenal, at times, and not admire their style. And yet the thought of them actually winning anything is like looking at Voldemort’s face. You can die.

So all I can say is: COME ON YOU SPURS. Then go and hide.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx