What a big day for ‘upsets’ in the Premier League yesterday! All the ‘big clubs’, except Chelsea, received big surprises with Liverpool held at home to a draw by Brighton, Manchester City LOSING at home, goal-less-ly, to Crystal Palace and, of course, Spurs being thrashed, again at home, by sad and sorry Manchester United. It could have been the single day which caused irreparable dents in the aspirations of Liverpool and Manchester City to win the league, and of Spurs to retain next years place in the European no-hope League for those not good enough to play in a proper tournament with Forriners.

Black Saturday. The day before Hallowe’en. Oooohhhh, spooky.

Chelsea romped on, as per fucking usual, but they only had to play Newcastle who, despite their new-found billions, remain only out-worst-ed by ever reliable Norwich. The Chelsea fans were apparently singing “no noise, from the Saudi boys”, which coming from a bunch of Russian money-launderers was perhaps a bit… rich? Even more ironic was that Newcastle have chosen to wear ‘rainbow bootlaces’ in solidarity with LGBTQ… etc, people. The team now owned by a nation in which homosexuality carries a death penalty. (Shagging camels carries an exemption from this, as long as they are opposite sex camels).

And so to the team I support. Follow. Love to the souls of my size 9s. And hate, in equal measures. If last night’s performance was not the most ineffectual, depressing, lacklustre, pathetic, clueless, hopeless, shambolic display ever seen in professional sport, I’d hate to be present for the one that beats it. I wasn’t present last night but instead chose my tv as my means of torture. Spurs were so bad we made Manchester United look good. Worse still, we made Gary Neville very happy. But I’m really not convinced that booing Harry Kane is either a decent nor productive action, even in the circumstances. Those circumstances being that he had a terrible day at the office. As he consistently has since the ‘transfer-gate’ scandal in the summer. For better or worse, he is still a Spurs player and as such WE FUCKING NEED HIM. Need him to feel better, need him to score, to create, to be the best Harry Kane possible, the one we’ve been drooling over for the last 5 years. Making him feel unloved in his own home is not the way to get him back. Even if it is only for the remainder of the season.

I’m off now to have the tattoo I’ve been thinking about for 53 years. It’s time. It reads:
SOMETHING’S NOT WORKING. AGAIN.

Happy shitty, rainy, tumbling down the league Sunday

A xxxx