Now look, there’s only so much credit I can take for this, but having come ‘down under’ I seem to have, personally and uniquely and all by myself-ly, turned the entire footballing world upside down. I awoke this morning (local time; everywhere else; who fucking knows) and before even checking Mel’s pulse, reached for the football scores from yesterday (all terms of a temporal nature strictly relative). And I couldn’t have been more shocked if I’d found a MP had been telling the truth about Brexit. The scores were simply weird. Unaccountable. Upside Down. At which point I decided to take all the responsibility myself. Being the upside down factor in all this.

Manchester United won a game!!! They played for 90 minutes and came off with smiles on their faces??? That must be the first time since Bobby Charlton was sweeping his comb-over across his head in goal celebration. Get this: PAUL POGBA WAS MAN OF THE MATCH!!!! Jesus, I’d forgotten the he played for Man United and then Morinho goes (just coincidence) and they win 5-1 at Cardiff. Ok, its Cardiff. What d’ya expect? But Man United under Jose would not have done that.

Arsenal won a game!!!! What a day it was turning out to be with all these habitual losers and groups of overpaid tossers actually winning games. Remember Ozil? Who demanded, in his last contract negotiations, ‘parity with Pogba’ for 300k a week. Well the ‘parity’ thing, probably in the small print, must also have said ‘minor role in a walk-on part every third game, (non-physical teams only)’. Apparently played like a fucking demon. Albeit a wimpy kind of demon.

But then the big ones. The ‘major upsets!!!’ Chelsea lost at home (always a fantastic sentence to be able to write, better still if the ‘Spurs’ word is included) to Leicester. The ‘high flying’ Blues lost to the other, more kind’a ‘drone-like’ blues and that is good for mankind as well as football.

And the best til last: Manchester City lost a game. At home! To… Crystal Palace!!! I mean, in what world? How could it? Is the planet off its axis?? Andros Townsend scores the goal of the century (and will now do absolutely NOTHING for the next 7 games, its in his contract) and Fortress Etihad crumbles to the South London invaders. Which is as poetic as it is lovely.

And resurgent West Ham, sort of stopped resurging to allow Watford (everyone loves Watford, right?) to beat them at the London/Olympic/Disaster/Rip-off Stadium.

Tragically Liverpool had won on Friday night (I think) to top the league with a bit of a buffer. But Spurs play today (or tomorrow, possibly yesterday) in what has become a 17-pointer. For Spurs fans at least. And who else counts?

Happy Sunday (possibly)

A xxx