It has become customary, in a very short time, for football managers to ‘blame VAR’ for all their woes. Every game lost is down to that cumbersome and miserable system which combines flawed technology with incompetent analysts. And never has this VAR-scapegoating been so apparent as in yesterday’s splendid match between Newcastle and Arsenal.

Newcastle won a fraught and fabulous competition by just one goal. But such a goal…

I was fortunate to see the event ‘live’ in my lounge as I was preparing to host what used to be called a ‘dinner party’ before Covid, but now is just ‘some mates comin’ over for a bite’, due to the post-pandemic informality laws. And I was preparing my Brussel sprouts for their later sautée-ing. I would tell you the recipe for the best fucking sprouts ever but I simply have to keep it secret otherwise… slice them, fry in olive oil with a little or preferably a lot of finely chopped garlic After a very precise length of frying, possibly 3 minutes, possibly 8, add soy sauce, balsamic vinegar and maple syrup in the correct and precise amounts… like… well… enough. Put the lid on, simmer, low light for about 4 minutes. Possibly 6. Serve, eat, enjoy, send undying thanks to the ‘chef’ who invented this.

And Newcastle attacked and the shot was blocked, was going off for a corner, or a throw in. But the Newcastle player was ‘playing to the whistle’ and ran alone after the ball which was too far for the Arsenal players to be bothered with. And the Newcastle boy managed to retrieve that ball, stopped it from crossing the line and crossed it to the far post, where another Newc. bounced the wimpy Arsenal defender out of the way, leaving the ball for his team mate to slam home from half a yard. Brilliant.

But we had to wait for VAR. And wait… and wait…

Did the ball cross the line? Ambiguous, I’d say ‘no, it didn’t’, obviously.
Was there a foul on the Arsenal defender? No, he just fell.
Was the Newcastle player offside? Impossible to tell. And if it’s that close, then NO.

After about 20 minutes (was actually 4 but felt like for-fuckin-everrrrr!!!) the goal, amazingly, was given. The hapless had conspired with the incompetent, aided by the blind, and came up with the right result. Based on the ‘old way’; if it looks like a goal and there’s nothing obviously wrong with it, even in a bit of a ‘goalmouth scramble’, then GIVE THE FUCKING GOAL.

At the end, a very sad and angry Spaniard called Arteta stated categorically that ‘it was not a goal’. When asked specifically why, he told of being in England for 20 years, he questioned the status of England having ‘the best league in the world’ but no more, because of ‘THIS’, but couldn’t actually come up with a reason why the goal should have not stood. What he was really saying was ‘why couldn’t VAR help me to not lose this game???’ Interestingly, he didn’t criticise VAR for not sending off eternal disappointment, Kai Havertz, following his truly disgusting ‘tackle’. Funny that.

I felt his pain. Ok, I didn’t. Arsenal lost and therefore didn’t overtake Spurs. I think that has to be considered in the VAR office too.

Happy sunny Sunday

A xxxx

This photo is entitled: “GOD HELP USSSSSS!!!”