The sandwich bar chain, Pret, is opening a pop-up in Soho to test a new concept in Pretism; vegetarian food only. Oooooh, that’s radical. Let’s just hope they fold quickly in abject herbivorous failure.

Because what makes the First World different from less fortunate places is food choice. In fact we probably suffer from choice overload on every street when it comes to what we should eat. Though chains like Pret, like McDonalds, Abocado, Wasabi, Leon, Starbucks, Itsu and so many others have it arranged that those choices are in fact pretty standardised on any street. And as Pret already (as do all of them) offer vegetarian options, why would they remove choice? Surely that will remove the half (?) of potential buyers who don’t want a vegetable wrap for lunch.

They’re doing it because its a bandwagon. Because foodies like Ella Woodward and the Hemsleys are really ‘into vegetarianism’ in a big way. Add in a Gwynnie or two (heaven forbid; one’s more than enough) and the only way forward is the path to vegan.

I have but one argument against the entire vegetarian movement: courgetti.

Why would anyone in their right mind invent ‘spiralisers’ and things that cut courgettes into ribbons that look like spaghetti? But taste like watered down shit, without the shit. Surely the time would have better spent genetically modifying a breed of fly that infects courgette plants and turns the crop to dust. Or turns it into proper pasta. If you want to eat something that really looks like pasta, almost tastes like pasta and is so pasta-like its uncanny; EAT FUCKING PASTA!!!

Ok, I’m not a big fan of the humble courgette. In case you missed that. If they ceased to exist, I wouldn’t even notice. But if people, even my own daughters, to my eternal shame, want to eat them, then fine. I’m no foody fascist. I may sound like one, but I’m not.

But forcing food types down our throats (interesting concept) is a form of foody fascism. And thus removing anything meaty or indeed fishy from our lunchable options is evil.

I never eat meat for lunch. That’s a shocker. In that ‘who gives a shit what he eats????’ kind of way. I do tuna. I do cheeses and falafel and egg and all sorts of even veganish type fare. But I’m a carnivore. So when ordering my egg salad on granary with coleslaw and extra everything, I find it comforting to look at plates of red meat sitting in the cooler display.

We are carnivores. We evolved that way. Anything else is just a phase, an aberration.

Happy eating

A xxxx