I believe in freedom. Amen.

I believe in personal liberty. But not taking liberties with others. Even if you’re a politician. Especially if you’re a relic of a 1970s radio jock.

I don’t like censorship, I believe in the sanctity of free speech and expression and I think people should be given sufficient lattitude in all walks of life to show, time and again, that they can’t be trusted with such a luxury. Enough rope to hang themselves. And dangle they will, every fucking time.

And the government, among other things (though I’m never sure what they might be), are charged with drawing lines in our personal freedoms, with saving us from our own worst excesses, from shifting the moral guidelines to accommodate an ever-changing world.
But some things they do amaze me.

Gambling is a good one. I’m not much of a gambler. Though many are. An it can be a bit of fun or it can be an addictive, destructive obsession. And yet watch any sporting event on tv and the commercial breaks spend their allotted three minutes telling you how easy gambling can be. Go on, do it NOW! We’ll give you the first 20 quid free. Bet on this very football match. You don’t need to phone anyone or go anywhere, just go online. No computer? Your phone will do. Here’s an app called ‘instant loser’ and you we’ll give you 8 to 3 on David Moyes being strangled by a Man United fan during the game. 17 to 4 on the floodlights going out during the match. 26 to 1 on any player coming out as gay during injury time. Its sooooo easy; just nick your mum’s credit card and you’re away…

And boozing is another. They’ve just opened the first ever pub in a motorway service station. The Drink & Drive… ok, its actually called the Hope & Champion is open to serve its drinks to… er… to… well, who you gonna serve in a service area by junction 2 on the M40? Probably motorists, I’d imagine. As you’re not allowed to walk down the M40 as far as I know. And its open brilliant hours, so if you stop to fill up at 5 in the morning, you can have a couple pints before breakfast and be on your way, with just a little ‘buzz’. You know, just to take the edge off of life’s harshness, just to blur those edges a tiny bit. Just to make you more aggressive, judgement impaired and a much better singer for when Born to Run comes on the radio.

So the police are always talking ‘zero alcohol’ when driving and then they license a pub on a motorway. I think the term: ‘go figure’ is appropriate in such circumstances.

I’m applying to open a fully licensed bar and grill, opium den, Amsterdam style ‘coffee shop’ and casino/brothel, on the M6 at Droitwich. Where you get a free rent-boy with every £1000 lost and Wednesdays are all the paraplegics you can eat days, at ‘Andy’s’. Clergy welcome. Police probably not.

Happy all the paraplegics you can eat day,

A xxxx