‘Ere? Wanna really great laugh with all yer friends and family, but like a real scream? Fantastic fun for everyone? Here’s what you do.

You go to Kiev, in Ukraine, where they hate Russia, and you get the government there to put out a statement that you’ve been murdered by Russian agents, gunned down in your own doorway-in-exile. Because if you’re a Russian journalist, hated by Putin for being very outspoken against the regime there and always banging on about freedom of speech and fake news, what better way to do things than to heap layer upon layer of irony, faking news yourself to make the point about the evils of fake news. That point being… ah, that’s all part of the fun, fun, fun!!! And then, (this is the really fab bit), when you’re friends are just getting over the shock, when your family has dried up the first batch of agonised tears, you come on tv and announce: “I voz on-lee yokking!!! Haaa, haaa, haaaa…!!!”

What a frikkin riot, that Arkady Babchenko.

Though he didn’t actually do it for laughs, he did it to make a point. See above to understand just how great a point it was he made.

Lila-day has been officially extended to Lila-day-and-the-night-before. That way, oddly, its less of a panic in the morning than to go to her house in time for her mummy to go to work, we can ‘relax’. At half past six in the fucking morning. But in fact babies have developed the most amazing, Darwinian survival strategy. They become incredibly gorgeous when they wake up. Even more gorgeous than the rest of the time. Otherwise, quite frankly, who’d wanna know them at that time of the day? So as you go in at some un-godly hour of the dawn, in semi-sleep, total-grouch mode, they switch it on. And you melt. And within 5 minutes you’re wishing she could have woken you even earlier. Almost. Therefore Lila comes over, plays bridge with us (she’s awfully bright, MY baby) and sleeps over.

Happy what would be Lila-day but due to staff stuff, I’m actually working, dammit.

A xxxx