The world is just so full of contradictions. Replace the word ‘contradictions’ with ‘shit’ and you lose precious little meaning.

I just read that the ‘5-a-day’ mantra, the rule which has dictated my fruit and vegetable intake for most of my adult life, is being upgraded. Or downgraded. Or quantatively eased. And now should be 7-a-day. I’m just not sure I can remember that. Or eat any more fucking cabbage. If it was 7 hamburgers a day that would be a different matter. Mainly because you’d just die of obesity/heart disease by the time you’re like 12.

And yet half the people who write about such things have been telling us recently that fruit is the real killer because it contains… SUGAR!!!! The world’s most evil substance; natural, God-given, sugar. So presumably that has now been relegated to a lesser category of evil than the need to increase fruit and vegetable intake. For this week at least.

And did you know the world has climate problems? They kept that quiet. (If only).

I’ll tell you what the problem is; my car was spotlessly clean on Sunday and by yesterday morning was covered in shit. Well, not actually ‘shit’ in that horrid ‘flock-of-seagulls’ way, but covered in stuff. Which, I learned from my BBC meteorologist is Saharan dust. Amazing. Like we don’t have enough dust in London so now we’re importing it from Africa. This morning the garden’s full of camels. Strong winds, obviously. Very strong. I’m going to start a bedouin camp on the Holloway Road.

So global warming is now an even bigger problem than it was last week. And it was big then. Carbon emissions must come down. So how anti-zietgeist is Barak Obama as he approves plans for a gigantic pipeline to shift oil from Alberta Canada to refineries in New Mexico. Not just any oil though. This is ‘dirty’ (Canadian) oil. From sand tar. I have no idea either but basically if normal oil is like Jennifer Lawrence, then this stuff is the Sid James of fossil fuel. The Mike Tyson of the energy world. Ugly stuff.

But a pipeline is efficient. Which is true. The tankers that usually ship the stuff around the world are massively carbon emitting. Like a double whammy. But pipelines don’t emit nuffink. They just sit there on the countryside looking really pretty.
Which is why half of America is up in arms against it, this KXL as its known. Yet try and get Americans to reduce carbon output and they show the same level of interest as they do in England’s cricket results. Someone else’s problems.

America wants this oil solely for export, its just not beautiful enough for domestic consumption, even after refining. And that is needed so that Putin, the evil one, and those nasty Russians don’t get to control world energy.
Oooooh, its so complicated.

Well, if the word’s a bit warmer I can’t see the problem with that. We’ll need less heating which will reduce carbon emissions, cool the planet and plunge it into the next Ice Age.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx