the following contains scenes of violence and brutality and there’s bad language from the start.

We’re all used to such warnings before news reports and tv programmes. They’re all over the tv. 20 years ago you’d have work out all by yourself that a report from Syria in the wake of a bombing would probably include wounded, bleeding people. Or that ‘flash photography’ may be present on the screen, causing epileptic episodes in millions of viewers, leaving the lounges of Britain full of flapping, thrashing people, writhing around like landed goldfish.
Its all part of the nanny state set up by that nice Mr Blair. Leave nothing to chance, everyone must know what’s going to happen up front. ‘Diary of a Call Girl’ “may contain sex scenes”. I should bloody well hope so.

But unusual to get such a warning before a football match.

But last night it was rather appropriate. Bad language is a given in football and, even though you can’t hear most of it, advanced lip reading skills are seldom required to interpret remarks made at referees. But violence and assault? There were Somalian pirates curled up behind the sofa, scared to look at Arsenal play Chelsea because it was so violent. It was the Reservoir Dogs of football matches. It was Kill Bill part 2. Sadly without Uma Thurman.

And yet without those battlefield scenes it was the dullest match ever played.

So much hope. So much hype. The Battle for the Top. The Pride of London.

Yet what evolved was the slickest, smoothest team in the land and the (2nd) most potent attacking force (even with Torres) decided to re-enact Saturday’s Tai Chi class when we were all kicking the merry shit out of each other. But the footballers did it at full speed.

Unbelievable that only 3 yellow cards were shown and no-one was sent off in a match that degenerated into a virtual brawl after countless episodes of tackles so high that ears got damaged.

A truly awful game.

A better man than me would have gone and done something different, or changed the tv channel. Yet it was, in a way, a mesmerising contest of two battle-weary generals rallying their troops on suicide missions. And in such terrible weather conditions that Arsenal couldn’t really be Arsenal and Chelsea thrived on becoming Morinho’s parked bus.

Spurs have a new manager. His name is Tim Sherwood and he’s a fucking Arsenal fan. He has no managerial experience whatsoever, doesn’t even possess his ‘pro-badge’, was the worst midfielder Spurs ever had and he loves Arsenal.
I’m right behind the new boss. Has my full support.

Like I have a choice.

Happy Christmas Eve

A xxxx