Warning: food that’s really easy and tasty is gonna kill you. They’ve found the missing link. Possibly. Because they still say that eating ultra-processed foods MAY increase cancer risk. Crossing a road MAY increase the likelihood of getting run over. There again, it may not. Three-headed monsters, 9 feet tall who eat live babies and support Chelsea ‘may’ live on Mars. So they started with an hypothesis; that super-processed foods, factory made, marinated in sauces, filled with preservatives and additives, may increase the risk of cancer. And they do extensive research on 105,000 people. Big test. And find that, yes, that MAY be the case. May not; but may be. Mainly because it would take a very brave scientist to condemn pizza. Even Cornflakes!!! ‘Ultra-processed’ therefore increased cancer risk. And chocolate. At which point it just becomes a matter of ‘well, we’ve all gotta die sometime’.

Your risk of dying, however, is definitely, massively, incredibly, humungously increased by being an American schoolkid. There’s not ‘may’, there’s no ‘within statistical significance’, there’s nothing but a hail of gunfire and dead bodies to prove that theory. And the fact that yesterday’s shooting in Florida was the 19th in the US this year. And we’re half way through February. That’s one shooting every two-and-a-bit days. 17 people died in yesterday’s incident.

And yet Trump, when told off by Theresa May about something tweeted along the lines: ‘we don’t got no jihadis here; America’s doing fine’. Whereas in reality the jihadis can’t get any ammunition for their guns because all the schoolkids are buying it up wholesale. And more people die in America every year in gun crime than die in the rest of the world in terrorist attacks (made that up, sounds about right though). The Trumpesque approach to gun crime adopts the philosophy of ‘the old lady who swallowed a fly’. In that if the baddies have guns, make sure you have bigger guns. The solution to the school problem would therefore be to arm the rest of the kids so they can take out the would-be shooter before he gets on a roll.

Another fucking tragedy, more kids die, but Americans demand ‘the right to bear arms’ and leave them lying around, fully-loaded so anyone can pick them up and go play.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx