Due to the unfairness of the working world, I had to miss my Liladay
activities yesterday, leaving Mel in sole charge of the gorgeous
little destroyer. She called me when I arrived at work, (Mel, not
Lila, though Lila did speak to me too), in a slight panic because of a
bit of a problem with the desktop computer at home. Which I could hear
over the phone. A deaf man could have heard it even without the phone.
“WARNING! ALERT!! THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM MICROSOFT!!! (ALARM, BELLS,
WHOOPING NOISES) YOUR SYSTEM HAS BEEN COMPROMISED!! ILLEGAL
ACTIVITY!!! DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER!!! WARNING!!!”

That had been going on for 20 minutes by the time we spoke. I
instructed her to turn it off. Make it go away. Because although I
haven’t experienced that exactly, I did once get a phone call from
(guessing) Mumbai, telling me they were Microsoft and could ‘prove
it!’ by telling me my unique computer number or some such bollocks,
and that my system has been compromised, blah, blah, death and
destruction, just make a payment and it’ll all go away. Unusually I
chose to swear at this man, rather than pay him. Can’t remember the
exact words, but they weren’t nice. Seemed to do the job though as my
reported ‘compromise’ managed to uncompromise itself without anything
happening.

I was curious at the ‘illegal activity’ bit really. Since when is
watching Mr Tumble on YouTube an ‘illegal activity’? It should be
because he’s so fucking inane and moronic and annoying, but I’m
confident that although Mr T might damage your mental health, its not
illegal to watch him. Especially when you’re 2. Or very nearly ‘choo’,
as ‘she’ says, in fact on Monday.

And yet these people continue to, basically, extort money with
threats. PAY US MONEY AND WE’LL CLEAR THE VIRUS!!! And that ‘virus’ is
in fact just them telling us we’ve got one and they can help. Its
exactly the same as the virus that was sent to all the hospitals last
year, pay up or your system is dead! And I can’t understand how these
people can’t be traced. I know computer addresses can be buried in
long, international trails but you can’t do that with money. Someone
is getting paid. As they always say in films/books/tv: follow da
money.

Its Lila’s inalienable right to watch Mr Tumble, even though I’d like
to torture him to death over a fire. And some bunch of profiteering
mercenaries should not be allowed to affect that. We need more police
on the streets. Bobbies on the beat. With truncheons. That’ll sort it.

Happy virus-free Friday

A xxxx