I just hung a wash out on the spinny washing line thingy in the garden. Because I’m a good boy. In fact, because I’m a bad boy generally so sometimes I’m prepared to score a few points, get them in the bank, for when they’re needed. Which is most of the time. And it was an interesting study. As I realised that I don’t wear any clothes. Mel wears loads. I hung up four dresses (hers, mine are different colours), yet only 3 of my t-shirts, all white. I did hang up lots of my underpants because in the hot weather I can wear up to 3 pairs a day. Though I do find that uncomfortable under jeans and generally stick to the one. Mel wears sleep-shirts and I wear nothing. There was lots of her underwear too, obviously, as we both wear that. I stood back and calculated that of that wash, about 15% was ‘my shit’, the rest hers. Which made me so upset, I took it all down again for her to do when she gets back from swimming.

And a little plea, as the heatwave is right upon us. Please, but PLEASE don’t drink too much water. Because if you do then water levels will plummet, as they always do when its even warm, and there’ll be a hose-pipe ban and I won’t be able to water my lawn. Which will then go all brown and horrible and completely upset the aesthetic. So please, as you go for the tap because you’re chronically dehydrated, the world’s spinning, your skin’s cracking up, you’re burning like a barbecue, have a thought for my grass. And drink a bit less. Don’t be so selfish.

To compensate for losing the rugby series against England, they let an Aussie win the golf, which was played somewhere in Scotland, I’m guessing. And such an Aussie. They found a guy, probably in a trailer park in Queensland, who actually still has a mullet hair-do, and taught him to play golf so he could be ‘an ambassador’ for the sport, a representative of the country in the quality of Sir Les Patterson. This guy looks like the semi-moronic brother of Paul Hogan in his comedy show. Though even I have to admit, he knows how to hit a golf ball.

More pre-Prime-Minister-bollocks last night and, as expected, its getting dark and dirty in there. I missed the debate. I was pouring 3000 gallons of water onto my back garden.

Happy VERY HOT Monday

A xxxx