Are you a wazer? Oh, you’re not, don’t know what it is, haven’t heard…

Then I don’t know upon which planet you reside. If you’ve even taken an Uber, anywhere, you’ve been a kind of wazer-by-proxi because Waze is the navigation system used by Uber. And by me. Because its live and interactive and asks you things like “is there a speed camera coming up in 200 yards?” or “traffic jam reported ahead: confirm/not” or even “would you pick me up 2 pints of semi-skimmed from the 7/11 coming up on your left in 100 yards… 90… 80…”

Waze knows everything. And because it likes to think of itself as some kind of ‘club’, all users are called ‘wazers’. I know, its a bit on the wanky side, but they must have their reasons.

So it avoids traffic. By being very very creative with the routes chosen. Which are always different no matter how many times you use the same start and destination points.

Well I’ve never before been to my cousin’s new home. Mainly because its in South London and, other than Bermondsey Market, the South Bank and (when bloody required) St Thomas’ Hospital, I just don’t do south London. What’s the point? There’s nothing there once you’ve left the proximity of the river (where all those named places sit). But to get from an NW to an SE postcode, I needed waze.

And it took me there. Not the way I maybe would have gone but that’s because there was bad traffic on the North Circular so instead we went via the back alleys and side streets of Islington and Hackney. You know you’re using Waze when you spend half of a long journey going over speed bumps. But no traffic. That’s the quid pro quo. And worth every bounce. We went through the Blackwall Tunnel and… came out the other side. A few turns and we were drinking South London’s version of tea. Which is like ours but…

Coming home, just a few hours later, we headed away from the Tunnel. Oh. But you don’t argue with waze, that’s part of the deal. You know ‘in God we trust’, well same deal with waze but with more immediate results.

Which is how, 10 minutes later, we arrived in the queue to get on the Woolwich Ferry. That mythical ship that sails across my river, has done for centuries and yet I’ve never before set eyes upon, let alone set a car upon. And, ok, its not exactly a tourist attraction. Its not really even a boat. Just a ‘thing’ that floats in very ugly manner on the water with about 40 cars on its back. You don’t get out and feel the smog in your hair, there’s no cafe because the journey takes about 3 minutes and they’ve probably picked the most industrial and horrible part of the River to cross. But it works. Ahhhhh, back in the north. Terror Firma. Because it oh so much nicer to come home.

Ticked that off my ‘to-do list’ then.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx