I am boycotting Dolce & Gabbana. As from tomorrow. To be ‘on message’ with all the latest hashtags, I will not be visiting their clothing emporia until this whole Elton-John-gate mess is cleared. up.

So today I’m off to Sloane Street to get six new suits, at £9,600 each, a new shirt, £872.48 and some ties, £(don’t even ask).

In actual fact, I can’t even afford the carrier bag. But I can dream…

In reality my dreams have never travelled too far past the Levi store, Marks & Spencer and Primark.

What Stefano Dolce should have said in reply to the question which would have presumably been along the lines of: ‘you’re a stinking rich poof, why ain’t you got no children? You can buy as many as you like with all your money?’ He should have replied: ‘no thanks, I’ve decided I don’t want any children. THE END’.

But no. He had to take it further, make it a moral issue, revert to his Catholic upbringing, invoke judgments from the bible, use values from the Spanish Inquisition to bolster his prejudices. So he slagged off gay men who adopt babies, who use IVF to create their own and he called such children ‘synthetic’.

We have synthetic children. They’re called ‘dolls’ and the girls played with them endlessly when they were little. And there are advantages. You can put a synthetic child in the washing machine once your (real) child has dragged it round the mud for an hour before pouring a tin of Heinz tomato soup over its head. For ‘dinner’.

Because we can no longer draw a line between gay couples and couples of different gender (I think that’s me, I’m not sure any more), to attack adoption and IVF for gays must attack such processes for all. Which is so ignorant that even a gay Italian dress-maker should have realised his error and censored his thoughts before spouting such inflammatory clap-trap. He then went further and even deeper into the New Testament to claim that children should be born ‘naturally’ and raised by that family.

And hell hath no fury like a person scorned. So Elton John, one of two fathers of 2 such synthetic babies, reacted as any self-respecting billionaire trumped-up be-wigged homosexual would do in the circumstances and flew off the handle, demanding a boycott of both Dolce and Gabbana.

Maybe there’s an agenda here, one that ‘we’ don’t know about. Maybe as so many gay couples are acquiring children, its become a bit of a trend and thus, like all trends, it will have its detractors who oppose it merely because it is fashionable. Bit ironic that D&G are opposed to something fashionable, but there ya go.

So its handbags at dawn for Elton and Stefano. Victoria Beckham has sided with Sir Elt and I, quite frankly, couldn’t give a shit one way or the other. But its all good fun.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx